I can?t decide how I feel. I go through these bad stages.

Like when I?m out with the girls and stuff, I feel fine, and happy and stuff, but then suddenly I have this spell of missing Chris. Sometimes I even think I?m kinda over it. Not ?over? over it, but it?s like I?ve known for so long that it was coming, that it wasn?t like it was shocking or anything. But then other times, I put in his CD and hear ?Leaving on a Jet Plane? and I just cry. I?ve talked to him a lot since he?s left. It still feels like I?m just on vacation or something, since it hasn?t even been a week yet.

But I think once like 3 or so weeks hits, I?ll be missing him pretty bad. Well, it?s not that I don?t miss him now.

I just don?t know. It would be a lot better if he was just here, or I was just there. I?m already excited to see him again?. But it isn?t for four months. I probably will see him like the 26th or 27th of December. That seems so far now.

I told him I loved him. I do love him. Judging from the reaction on his journal, it wasn?t something I should?ve said. It?s just so natural to say it.

I miss having someone to kiss, someone to hold? the other night I just cried as I tried to sleep b/c I was imagining his warm arms around me, and remembering how well our bodies fit together when we slept, and remembering how wonderful it is to make love to him, and to kiss him.

Ok time to stop, I can?t upset myself like this before classes. I think I?m gonna sit in bed for awhile, listen to Cranberries, go to bed, and wake up in Iowa.