So yesterday was emotional for me.
The fear during the license scare, the sadness during bacc, it was too much, I hate emotion!
I was glad Chris was there for me though, it would’ve been much worse without him. By much worse, I mean I would’ve been sitting in my room bawling with no one to hold me.
We hung out, I dunno, most of it is on my other journal. Lots of holding hands, lots of kisses, as always.
I jacked it b/c he made me so hot that I just HAD to. It worked out pretty well I think, welle xcept for Mother needing something right afterwards. THen it was just embrassing. Good thing I changed shirts!
We did lots ofrandom shit, being cute the whole time, though I felt bad for Chris being sick. Mainly b/c it’s my fault. I hope he doesn’t give the cold back to me, I don’t need it for thecruise! But he thinks he will be ok by the weekend, which is good b/c we will need energy for all the shit we have planned.
Blah blah randomness.
Eventually it was time for Bacc. We stood upstairs hugging and having the talk about him coming. I really did want him to come, but I understood about feeling out of place etc.. and told him that it was fine if he didn’t come. I really would’ve been ok. Then I started crying, for no real reason. Though I hope Chris didn’t think it was to get him to go. I just was feeling lots of emotions, and I was thinking about Bacc and my friends and I just started crying b/c it’s so sad to be leaving everyone. Though after my experiences today during practice, I realized that 90% of my class is big white trash and I hope they all die.
Anyways Chris decided to come and then I felt bad b/c I felt like I forced him. He assured me that wasn’t the case, but I still felt bad and I felt stupid for crying, and I just felt a lot of things. So we sat through that, it was stupid, and afterwards I hugged Chris and thanked him for coming.
Awards was next and that wasn’t as bad, especially b/c I got Wooed for and that totally made my day.
Went home, layed down on my bed, I didn’t want Chris to go. I needed someone to hold me. So we layed there for a little bit, but all too quickly, Topher had to leave. I thanked him more for coming. It really meant a lot that he came, even though it wasn’t a very good time.
Made our way to the car and talked and kissed and couldn’t let go. He tried to throw me in the trunk and kidnap me, but I had to veto the idea. lol. I miss him. At some point, we were able to tear ourselves away from each other and he left and I went home.
I heard my phone ringing later and was wondering who the heck would be calling me? It was him, he had gotten a text message that said “I love you.” And he didn’t know where it came from. I assumed he thought it was from me.. b/c well, who else would say that? But considering I don’t even know how to text message, nor would I of had time, it wasn’t me. For some reason I felt bad telling him it wasn’t me. But whoever it was best be watching out, cause aint no one stealing my man!
Went to bed w/ dreams of him.
He got a raise so most likely he won’t work at WF if he gets the job. That’s ok, He really does need to be where
the money is. I just thought it would be extra time to spend together. Hopefully we get enough time together. I’m
afraid that this summer will just end all too soon and then I’ll be gone, and my Topher will be here. 🙁
Speaking of ending, this is the week that won’t end. I really just want it to be over, I want graduation done with. I’m feeling many conflicting emotions right now, I don’t feel very stable, and I’m not very happy. I just want the whole ordeal over with. I want it to be Sunday night, and I want to be at Chris’ and I want to be in his arms, and sleeping with him and being completely at peace and know that I’ve left all the high school bullshit behind.
Just 3 more days… 3 more.
I can make it.
I miss Topher. Isn’t it Friday yet??