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“The Way That I Have Been Thinking of You”

FUCK FUCK FUCK! I just had a HUGE entry here about how things were last night, and now it’s gone! Fucking shit!

Eh, to start over again….

Last night was absolutely wonderfully great, and emotion filled.

Most of it is in the normal entry for today, but as usual there are some things that can’t be said because of some people.

So we didn’t just spend the night sitting around and talking, we laid in his bed most of the night. His back to me, my arms around him, listening to Jewel. We laid there talking about random stuff, kissing, huging, we’re so cute!

There were a few times through out the night where I could feel his body tense, his breathing quicken. I could tell what he was doing, there’s only one time that your body feels that way, and tenses like his did. He was crying. I reached up from where I was, and wiped away his tears, I asked him once, “Why are you cyring” and he didn’t answer. He didn’t need to, I knew why. So I held him closer, I kissed him some more, hoping to let him know that I’m here for him and that I care for him. We laid there a while longer, with my arms around him, kissing the back of his neck. I felt him tense a couple more times in the next 45 minutes or so. Every time I would just wipe them away from his eyes, and hold him closer. He didn’t need to tell me why he was crying, I knew because I was holding back my own tears.

Finally after a while he turned and looked at me… I knew what was coming, and I’d been trying to prepare a response. For something so special, I had to have something sweet to say back to him, something to let him know that I really do care for him, and that I felt the same way…. And he said it. “I’m falling in love with you.” Even though I knew what was coming, I still wasn’t prepared for it. My mind went blank and I was speechless. It was so amazing to hear those words come out of his mouth, especially after just days before he said “I’d never be the first to say the ‘L’ word.” I held him closer and kissed him. I didn’t know what to say, and finally all I could muster up was “Is it ok to say ‘So am I’?” I felt so stupid because it’s all I could say. I wanted him to know that I really did feel that way. My feelings for him are so strong, and so emotional. Never did I feel this way for Adam, and never did I go to such lengths to be able to spend time with Adam.

After that I held him close, and held back my own tears, tears of joy. It was so hard to leave him that night, we laid in his bed until the latest that we could. And finally about 11 I had to go. He walked me up to my car and we stood there kissing and hugging for what seemed like forever, but yet, it ended all too soon. And I feel that this summer is going to end all too soon as well, and he’ll be gone for what’ll seem like an eternity.

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