ver last summer, Adam and I met a WHOLE bunch of new people, one person
included… Andrew. Ever since I’ve met him, I’ve had sort of a thing
for him. Nothings every happened between him and I, but we’ve always
known of the others feelings. Well, lately things between Adam and I
have been on the rocks. He doesn’t seem to see it, but I just don’t feel
the same way that I used to. Every little thing that he does annoys the
hell out of me, he’s graduating this spring, and he’s YET to apply to
ANY colleges, he doesn’t have any money because he hasn’t applied for
ANY finacial Aide, he’s been out of a job forever, and now that he has
his old one back at Chili’s all he does is bitch about it. He’s just
very irresponsible, and I can’t handle that.
This last week whilst I was on drugs from my teeth being ripped out of
my head, I went back and read all my old journal entries from when we
were broken up, to shortly after we got back together. And I spent a lot
of time thinking this last week about where I want our relationship to
I realized that I’m not at all happy in our relationship. Mostly because
the feelings for him aren’t there anymore. I still like hanging out with
him, etc. But I just don’t love him anymore, I don’t enjoy having sex
with him, or making out with him, or any of that anymore either. (Sorry
if that’s too much info :-p)
Lately we’ve also been doing a lot of fighting, about really stupid
shit. But I won’t really go into that.
Anyways, long story short. I think that it’s time to end my relationship
with Adam…. However there’s a few problems with this…
1) Andrew… Everyone’s going to think that I’m breaking up with Adam
because I want to get with Andrew, and that’s not at all the reason. In
fact, Andrew and I have even sat down and talked about a possible
realationship between us. We both REALLY like each other, but since he’s
moving to Cali in August we know it’s not going to work out, so there’s
no point in trying it, having it fail and then loose a REALLY good
2) Friends… Right now we both have the SAME friends, neither of us
have friends that aren’t friends with the other. I don’t want to have to
put our friends into a posistion where they have to choose who to hang
out with on the weekends. I’d like to stay friends with Adam once things
are over, but I just don’t know how to do that.
3) Prom… Is coming up soon, as in 1.5 weeks. (Apr 5th). I want to end
our relationship as soon as possible, but I don’t want to leave him
without a date RIGHT before his senior prom. I’d like to end it, and
still go with him, but I don’t think that’d happen. So it’s just a bad
4) Ring… Stupid me gave him my senior class ring ($400 value). I don’t
mean to sound mean here, but I want it back!!
5) 16 long months… It’s been 16 long months since I’ve been single, I
know I was single for 19 years before that, but I’m afraid to be single
again. I don’t want to throw those 16 months away. But at the same time,
I feel that… How do I know he’s the ONE for me if I’ve never tasted
any other fruit.
Well to be honest, I have tasted other fruit (no, it wasn’t cheating,
Adam knew, in fact he started it. But that’s another LONG LONG story
that I don’t really want to get into), and I liked that MUCH better then
what I have, am I just being selfish?
I know that 16 months, and being unhappy is a drop in the bucket when
you look at the whole picture of your life. So I don’t really think
that’s that big of a deal, but it’s still there.
I’ve given so much in this relationship, and gotten very little in
return. I spend so much time listening to his stories about bonsia,
going to his meetings for them, and so much other stuff. But as soon as
I start talking about what I’m doing in classes, or my job, or anything
else. He just inturupts and changes the subject. He does it so much that
MANY other people have seen it and they’ve even talked to me about it
and how much it annoys me.
There’s just so many little things that are going on that I can’t really
go into here. But I just need help….
How, When, Where, etc. I’ve never had to do this before, and I’ve only
been dumped once before. I just don’t know how to do it, or if I should.
Anyways, that’s mostly what’s up,