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CrapSex

So today’s been really good so far. In MIS today we had a speaker which I arranged. I’m proud of myself. So good times. He was hilarious so it was good. Umm, other then that not much has been up. I went and checked out a book today. It’s really funny so far.

Reasons why crapsex is better then HotSex:
1 ) You don’t have to worry about your appearance. During crapsex you’re covered the whole time by your duvet. During HotSex, however, you’re forever stopping the action in offer to reapply your body makeup and adjust the position of the arc lamps.

2 ) Crapsex is cheap. No internet bills, no year round tan, no gym membership, no silicone implants, no vacuum pump, no hay bills for the goat in the backyard. All you need fir crapsex is a slightly elevated pulse. Well, a pulse.

3 ) Crapsex is cheap. Where as HotSex has to last forever. Crapsex takes no longer then it takes to boil an egg. HotSex will take over your life. Also, because crapsex frankly isn’t very satisfying, there’s always plenty of energy left over for important things such as building ships inside bottles. Or masturbation.

4 ) Crapsex is easy. HotSex is mentally fatiguing because it’s an endless competition–with yourself. Each lay is meticulously compared with the last and rated on a personal-best score sheet. Crapsex cuts out the grinding stress cycle with the relaxing reassurance that sex can’t get any worse. HotSex on the other has, is bound to.

5 ) Crapsex improves relationships. If you have crapsex long enough, you’ll forget how enjoyable HotSex can be, so you won’t see the point in risking your relationship to get it. But if you have HotSex with your partner, it’s only a matter of time before you work though every conceivable fantasy and realize that someone else will be able to offer you even hotter sex simply because they’re someone else. All those better-sex guides for couples whose “spark” has gone out of their love lives are just hastening the end. Crapsex id what keeps people together, like a guilty shared secret. When sex is unfulfilling you have to invest some of your unexpressed libido in that neurotic form of behavior called “affection.”

6 ) Crapsex is safer. Not only will you be having very infrequent sec if you practice crapsex, you will also be keeping your number of partners to an absolute minimum–partly, of course, because the definition of crapsex is “monogamy.” And, because when you’re used to having only crapsex it’s sensible to avoid new partners because they might be having lots of HotSex and will immediately spot you for a sad crapsexer and laugh at your untrimmed pubic hair, un-pierced penis, and unsuppressed gag reflex.

7 ) Crapsex won’t wake up the neighbors. (Or your partner).

8 ) Crapsex isn’t gay. Gays are, of course, still the greatest devotees of HotSex and the greatest enemies of crapsex. (These days, even lesbians, once the standard bearers of crapsex seem to have made the conversion to HotSex.) Homosexuals who make the mistake of admitting to their gay friends that they practice crapsex are immediately told that they are “letting the side down.” Homosexuals who make the mistake of telling their straight friends that they practice crapsex are immediately told how disgusted the make them feel.

9 ) Crapsex doesn’t have to be with someone who is your “type.” Instead, if can be sex with someone you’re almost quite fond of, when the lights are off and they haven’t been eating onions. And it’s their birthday.

10 ) Crapsex is the real world and probably the only chance for real happiness that any of us has. Unfortunately, this is also why HotSex will get you–and me– every time.

Also, my mom randomly called me last night, apparently they’ve pruchased a new TV. One that’s “bigger” then the old one. WTF? Saturday they bought a new bed for my room, Monday they bought a new pool table, and Tuesday they buy a new TV? Any bets on what they buy today?? But the point is that sometime this weekend I have to go home and set it up for them. I dunno what exactly they mean? Unless they didn’t _just_ buy a new tv, they also purchased a whole entertainment system?? I dunno!

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