So my nights has sucked, how about yours?
Adam got online about 1ish and said he got the job at the GAP, he was going there with Missy to fill out paper work, I said “Alright, I’ll see you at 4:30.” End converstaion.
I leave work at 4, I call his cell… Answering Machine… Me: “Hi, I’m leaving Ames now, it’s 4:00”
I drive to Huxley, where I get gas, call a guy about an apartment and then call Adam again… Answering Machine again…
I drive to Alleman, where I call him again. Answering Machine.
Drive to Ankeny, call his house… “No, he’s not home.”
Call his cell. Answering Machine.
Drive to his house, not there.
Drive around, waiting, drive to his house again…. It’s now 4:40. Drive to Wendy’s for food. Get food, eat. He call’s. “I’m still at the Mall.”
What’s he doing at the mall? He knew that I was to meet him at 4:30, it’s every fucking day, 4:30. At the mall…. With Missy.
I get upset, say, “Fine, I’ll see you at the GLRC.” He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. Makes me more frustrated. I’ve wasted 30 Minutes, 30 miles. Waiting for him. Waiting.
I drive to Wal-Mart, talk to Julian. Then to the GLRC. I wait there for him. And I wait. I talked to Dustin, and Mike, and Andrew, and Jenny. I still wait for him to arrive. He arrives, with Betsy, Missy. He’s been back to Ankeny. But not for me.
I come in, he’s standing there in a group. I join the group. Him: “Where have you been.”
He walks off. I follow. He goes to the bathroom, he’s got something in his eye. Me: “You going to live.”
More follows, but he was being grumpy, so I turned away and talked to the people there. He leaves the bathroom and doesn’t say anything to me. Goes back to the other room and talks to people.
I come in and wave at him to come outside with me…. He follows.
Talking turns to yelling and yelling turns to… Hell I don’t know what. I don’t know what. I give up, cause I don’t want to argue with him, he’s put me down, turned it all around to make me look bad, to make me look like I was the one that was wrong, made me feel like shit. I hold back the tears as I question in my mind what to do, what’s going on in our life, why are we doing this so much lately. Everything, everything turns to arguments. I hate it. I love him, I just want to spend time with him, and I want him to understand when he hurts someone, when he’s not being reponsible. A simple phone call is all that I wanted, how hard is that to ask for. At 4:00, when you’re still at the mall, you know I’m going to be there at 4:30, All I wanted was a phone call.
We went back inside. I sat down, he sat away from me. I tired to talk to him, and he didn’t listen, perhaps he didn’t hear, I dunno. He moved, motioned for me to move, I moved. I tried to talk to him, he didn’t listen, perhaps he didn’t hear. I sat there. He sat there, talking as if the world was alright, but not talking to me. They we done talking, we all played games. He got up and left, without talking to me. I stayed in one room, while he talked to people in the other. But not talking to me. I got up and asked what he was doing. He held up his glass and walked off. Without talking to me.
I wanted to leave, and I walked out the door, alone. He followed, and asked if I was leaving, I said “No, not yet.” he asked if I was getting ready to go. I said, “No, not yet.” I lied, because he was talking to me, perhaps he would say something, something that would make me feel better, but he just said “Ok” and walked back in side, without comforting me. I went back inside and stood in the room that they were all talking in. He talked and joked, but didn’t talk to me.
Now it was time to go. We all stood outside and Missy bothered him, “Is it time to go yet.” He said, “After we walk Chris to his car.” He took me by the arm and walked with me, but only for a short distance, before he let me go. He asked if everything was alright, I told him no, that I was mad. He asked if I was still mad at him, and I told him I was. He walked with me, and as we got to our cars he just said, “Alright, Bye.” And started to walk away. I said….
“Alright??? Bye??” What was this. Giving me the cold treatment, I hadn’t done anything to deserve this. What did I do, besides ask that he call when he was going to be late.
Perhaps I was over reacting, but A call is all that I wanted. A simple phone call. We had this same thing happen not that long ago, where we got into an arguement over the same fucking thing, but he didn’t call again. And again, I got mad. I don’t think that I was over-reacting.
I hate this feeling that I have now, I hate this not knowing what’s going on, I hate not knowing if tomorrow he’s still going to love me. I hate it all. But I love him, and I love when we’re happy together, I just wish that things could be simpler. I just wish that he would understand that when I’m hurting, or mad, not to give me the cold shoulder, not to try and turn it on me, because that only makes it worse. Just talk to me, and I’ll talk back, talk to me when I talk. Things will get better.
6 months, one week. We’ll get through this.
My love for you is like a mountain, it’s here to stay. And I hope that he feels the same.