Aug 12, [Linkin Park, "One Step Closer"]
The last couple days have been filled with worries and stress. Yesterday
I was so worried and stressed out that I was actualy sick. I don’t really
remember what all I did yesterday. I know I went to work, and was really
sick there. I was mostly dissy and felt really bad, plus I was pissy so
that didn’t help. The manager came in and bitched at me, so I bitched back
at her and then she said, "Why don’t you just go home." So I did.
I was mostly worried about Adam last night. The other night he told a story
about how he had this reaction with over the counter drugs, so I was really
worried about what would happen last night when he smoked. Half of me said
not to go, cause I didn’t want to be around him when he did it, cause I
felt bad about him doing it. But the other half of me said to be there,
cause I wanted to see what he was like, and I wanted to try it. I really
wanted to try it. But, I didn’t go. And I was really worried about him.
We (being Mandy, Vero, Julian, and I. Who I went out with last night) were
going to go over there and say "HI" but Mandy was majorly anti
going over there, she didn’t even want to wait in the car while the rest
of us went in to say hi. But I hear that everything went well. I really
regret not going now though. Cause I really wanted to try it. Oh well. Whatever.
Adam’s currently online, but his away message says that he’s thinking "alot."
I wonder what he’s thinking about.
Today I went to work. It sucked. I had to do pizza, which I HATE doing.
And they had only scheduledd two of us for the entire evening, one in pizza
and one on registers and Dale was on the registers and he’s dumber then
a fucking door knob. I ignored him most of the night and did mad cleaning
in the pizza area. I got off at 10 and went out with Zach which was fun
cause we got to talk about things, and yeah. It was just good.
There’s been alot on my mind about everything in my life lately about how
things go. And where they’re going to go. I seem to be always depressed
again lately. I’m getting back into that mood that I was in last October
when I started keeping this journal. That wasn’t good times for me at all.
Why are you so intent on making this happen? You may
be putting way too much energy into something that everyone else has long
forgotten, Aquarius. The baggage that you carry has begun to affect your
posture. Keep in mind that there’s a big difference between wanting to save
something and actually being able to do so. Straighten out, breathe deeply
and proceed to let go. The Universe will see to it that there are plenty
of other difficult projects for you to take on in the future!