Aug 4, [Evan And Jaron, "Crazy For This Girl"]
Tonight’s been full of much thinking. I got off work and came home. I told
Angie last night that I’d call Adam when I got off work and arange a chat
with him tonight so we could talk some things out that have been going though
my head lately. But I got home and the parents started bitching at me about
shit that I didn’t really care about. But after they were done bitching
we ate supper and then my mom and I went out shopping. It was pretty cool.
I actually got some things that I like. We didn’t get home tell 8 and by
that time I figured it was to late to call Adam cause he probably already
had plans for the night. So I just hung out here tell about 9ish when I
got on and saw that Adam was on. So we chatted for a bit. Nothing much really.
After that I went and watched TV. But I got an urge for a latte, so I went
down to Java Joe’s. No one was there that I knew, so I got what I wanted
and headed off to my car. While I was on my way there, I ran into Angie
and Mary and her bf. So we went back to Java Joe’s and hung out there. Here’s
where the much thinking part comes in: I’ve been hanging out with the same
people forever. The same people in HS, the same people now. Granted we’ve
all changed alot. But we’re still the same people, and our relationships
aren’t going to last forever, there’s going to come a time when we all go
our seperate ways and tonight, I think, it’s starting to show. Where was
everyone tonight, it used to be (just earlier this summer) that everynight
we were hanging out in a big group, but now, it’s just small groups of us,
and we don’t really do anything. What scares me though, is that when that
time comes, the time when we all go our seperate ways, is that I won’t have
anyone left then. I’m not a very social person. It’s the way I am. I can’t
just go up to someone and say, "Hey, I’m Chris" like Angie and
Adam can. I just _can’t_ do it. It’s not me, and it really sucks. The only
friends that I have are the ones that are in this group, this small group
of people. I need to expand who I know. But it’s hard for me. I’m not a
talkitive person. I really hate that right now, I wish I could change that,
and I’ve tried, I really have, but I can’t do it. I know alot of people,
but I don’t, or can’t consider them my friends. Like I know Tara and Jessica.
But I don’t really feel as though I can consider them friends. They’re Adam’s
friends, I know them through him, and that’s the only way I know them. They
aren’t people that I would just call up and say, "Hey, wanna do something
tonight." And that’s the way it continues. Everyone that I know I’ve
met through someone else. My group of freinds that I hang out with now started
when I was in Cub Scouts, with Marry as the leader, and Luke and all those
guys were in it. Through them I met Nic, and Xak, and those guys, and then
though them I met Julian and Angie and everyone else. And the web continues,
but for me, it’s not getting bigger, it’s just spreading out. (If that makes
any sense, I know what I’m talking about). I think that’s another reason
why I like hanging around Adam and Angie so much is that they are the kind
to walk up to people and just start talking. When I’m around them, I’ll
usually do it too, but when I’m by myself, I won’t at all. I took that test
once for Social Anxiety Disorder, and I failed it pretty bad. In other words,
according to the test, I should be being treated for it. Of course that’s
just a test, but still. I just keep repeating myself, so I’m going to go
to bed now, night all.