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July 30, 2001 #2

July 30, #2 [John Denver, "Leaving On A Jet Plane"]

What I really don’t get right now is that Adam said he broke our relationship

off cause he felt wierd about what happened between us. Yet today he said,

"I’m gay" and he does that alot, he refers to himself as "for

sure" bi / gay. I don’t understand how he can keep doing that and say

that he’s questioning? Is he really? What’s going on in his head? And another

thing is he keeps making references to what happened, things that only he

or I would know. And all of the references it seems as though he really

enjoyed what happened. How could he have been / be so sure. And yet say

that he doesn’t know. Is it just a face he puts up to be able to hang around

with us? Does he feel that if he says, "Well I don’t really know right

now" that we’ll not like him, or that he’ll hurt someone? He won’t,

it’s best to be who you are. I don’t know, sometimes I just get these feelings

from him, these vibes that I can’t explain at all. Bad vibes. I wish I knew

more about what he’s questioning. Maybe we could help. We’ve all been through

the same period. When I was younger I had lots of problems with dealing

with it. I had no one to turn to, or at least I thought I didn’t. I wish

I had the support groups that he does now, I wish I had the resources. I

wish I had knew that most of my friends were. I think High School would

have been so much better.

To love someone is something…but to be loved by the one you love is *everything*.

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