July 30, #2 [John Denver, "Leaving On A Jet Plane"]
What I really don’t get right now is that Adam said he broke our relationship
off cause he felt wierd about what happened between us. Yet today he said,
"I’m gay" and he does that alot, he refers to himself as "for
sure" bi / gay. I don’t understand how he can keep doing that and say
that he’s questioning? Is he really? What’s going on in his head? And another
thing is he keeps making references to what happened, things that only he
or I would know. And all of the references it seems as though he really
enjoyed what happened. How could he have been / be so sure. And yet say
that he doesn’t know. Is it just a face he puts up to be able to hang around
with us? Does he feel that if he says, "Well I don’t really know right
now" that we’ll not like him, or that he’ll hurt someone? He won’t,
it’s best to be who you are. I don’t know, sometimes I just get these feelings
from him, these vibes that I can’t explain at all. Bad vibes. I wish I knew
more about what he’s questioning. Maybe we could help. We’ve all been through
the same period. When I was younger I had lots of problems with dealing
with it. I had no one to turn to, or at least I thought I didn’t. I wish
I had the support groups that he does now, I wish I had the resources. I
wish I had knew that most of my friends were. I think High School would
have been so much better.
To love someone is something…but to be loved by the one you love is *everything*.