My Life

July 25, 2001 #2

July 25, #2 [Eagles, "I Can’t Tell You Why"]

Ok so Adam and I had a really nice talk tonight. We went out to the west

side after work and just talked about our feelings. I feel much better now,

but at the same time I feel alot worse. I lost him, and that really hurts,

but it’s still really good to know how he feels about everything. We talked,

it was good. It still hurts though, of course. Like tonight right after

the talk. We were in Kum & Go. I just wanted to keep like, hugging him,

or I just wanted to put my arm around his waist, but I knew that wouldn’t

be right, cause well we’re not in that any more. It’s going to be hard transitioning

from the boy friend mode to the friends mode.

I think sometimes I’m a bit to laid back, and I let other people’s feelings

get infront of mine. And I don’t take enough time for myself. I don’t take

time to care for myself. Sometimes I tell myself that I should be more selfish,

but I’m not. I can’t be that way. And other times it may seem like I only

care about my feelings, but they are usualy the things that are the farthest

from my mind. I spend alot of night crying in bed. Not because I’m sad,

but because I’m sad about why others are sad. I could never be a psychologist,

I would always take the patients problems home with me. Maybe that’s why

I need this journal so much, if it weren’t for this I wouldn’t be able to

express my feelings at all. Am I making any sence here?

I talked to Josh today, Julians brother. I asked if he knew why his dad

might have called my house. He said that he did. Oh, hehe, I guess I should

tell the story before I tell the ending. Well last night, I got this message

from my mom on my cell phone. She said, "You’re in deep shit with Julian

Sheldahls Dad" and I was like, what the hell? So I asked Julian about

it, and he said he didn’t have any idea. So today Josh came in and I talked

to him. He said that my parents started like questioning him about who he

was. I guess maybe they thought it was Danny’s dad or something. Little

do they know, that Danny’s dad speaks Spanish only, lol.

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