July 25, #2 [Eagles, "I Can’t Tell You Why"]
Ok so Adam and I had a really nice talk tonight. We went out to the west
side after work and just talked about our feelings. I feel much better now,
but at the same time I feel alot worse. I lost him, and that really hurts,
but it’s still really good to know how he feels about everything. We talked,
it was good. It still hurts though, of course. Like tonight right after
the talk. We were in Kum & Go. I just wanted to keep like, hugging him,
or I just wanted to put my arm around his waist, but I knew that wouldn’t
be right, cause well we’re not in that any more. It’s going to be hard transitioning
from the boy friend mode to the friends mode.
I think sometimes I’m a bit to laid back, and I let other people’s feelings
get infront of mine. And I don’t take enough time for myself. I don’t take
time to care for myself. Sometimes I tell myself that I should be more selfish,
but I’m not. I can’t be that way. And other times it may seem like I only
care about my feelings, but they are usualy the things that are the farthest
from my mind. I spend alot of night crying in bed. Not because I’m sad,
but because I’m sad about why others are sad. I could never be a psychologist,
I would always take the patients problems home with me. Maybe that’s why
I need this journal so much, if it weren’t for this I wouldn’t be able to
express my feelings at all. Am I making any sence here?
I talked to Josh today, Julians brother. I asked if he knew why his dad
might have called my house. He said that he did. Oh, hehe, I guess I should
tell the story before I tell the ending. Well last night, I got this message
from my mom on my cell phone. She said, "You’re in deep shit with Julian
Sheldahls Dad" and I was like, what the hell? So I asked Julian about
it, and he said he didn’t have any idea. So today Josh came in and I talked
to him. He said that my parents started like questioning him about who he
was. I guess maybe they thought it was Danny’s dad or something. Little
do they know, that Danny’s dad speaks Spanish only, lol.