may 31, #4 [steve miller, "swingtown"] ok well i guess i’m not
signing out yet. there was one thing that i had to get off my chest before
i went to camp. and i did it. it was really hard and it took alot of convincing
and thinking about it on my part, but after tonight and spending time with
that person tonight. i just had to do it. i told jules about how i feel towards
him. well i didn’t really go into any real detail, but i just told him that
i liked him. i mean that’s all they are, if i had the opurtinunity i would
date him, but right now that’s all they are, and that’s as far as they’ll
go unless he feels the same way. but yep, it was just something that i had
to do. tonight i really relized that i changed when i was around him. i dunno.
but i saw a change in the way i acted when he was there, and then after he
left. [bsb, "i want it that way"] so yeah. i told him. lets hope
he takes it well. i don’t really mean to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable
or anything, it was just something that i had to get out. i had to say it.
it wasn’t the best way that i did it, by sending a quick e-mail. but i really
wanted to tell him last night, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. and i didn’t
get a chance to do it tonight. i’m kinda worried now about how he’ll take
it. and shit cause i know it’s happened to him before, where one of his friends
will have feelings for him, but he doesn’t have feelings for them, and i know
he talks about them behind their backs and i’m scared that he’ll do that to
me. but i mean i don’t care that people know that i have feelings for him,
or else i wouldn’t be writing this, but he makes jokes out of it, and it’s
not something that you should be making jokes with, it’s someone’s personal
feelings and you should respect those. that’s all i want to say on the issue,
i’m tired and tomorrows going to be a long and tiering day. i’ll miss everyone
this summer. i wish i could be around more.