ya know, usually i don’t think when i write these. i
just sit down and type what’s on my mind, just what ever my fingers say. But
yesterday, danny was reading these. and i went back and started readig some
of them. ya know i think i obses a bit much, don’t i? well i just wanted to
write this and say i’m sorry if i ever offend or scare anyone here. it’s just
what’s on my mind. danny i truly do love you, even though it’s not in a way
that most peope love, the fact i can’t see you, or have enver seen a picture
of you. but i love who you are. your voice, your personality, everything i
know so far about you. but my life is messed up i guess, i’ve been depressed
alot of my life, ya know, most of my friends from back home would know i used
to be really athletic, i was in about every sport when i was younger. but
something happened when i was 12, and just dropped everything my grades slipped,
the fun in my life, it all just left. i hate my life. Something else though.
when i was younger i used to spend most of the summer out side withouta shirt
on, no suntan lotion, i used to get really nice tans, but i haven’t had a
good tan for years now, because i rarly take my shirt off when i’m out side.
The reason is becuase i have three very large moles on my back, one of them
is three different colors. i think it might be skin cancer. and it’s not just
on my back i have oddly shaped moles all over my arms ad stuff too. they have
been there for a coupleyears now. and i’ve just never really cared what they
were. i just leave them alone, and hope to god that they aren’t cancer. i’ve
never had a doctor look at them, my PU’s have never seen them, no one knows they are there, but me. that’s why i always go swimming late at night, that’s
why i haven’t been in the mitigwa pool since the summer of ’96. I’ve never
really cared if i die from them, because my life has been nothing to me so
far. it’s been shitty, i hated my life in HS and so far i’ve hated my life
in college. although it is a bit better.