Dec 1, 2000

Well it’s Dec 1st, world aids day, did everyone wear thier red ribbon? well

so wierd things happened last night. i went to bed about 11 like normal, but

i just couldn’t get to sleep. everything that’s happened to me over the last

couple months was just racing through my mind. i think the thing that set

me off was to find out that matt has been dissin me. I’ve sent him four e-mails

and he hasn’t replied to a one. not a single one, and one of them was telling

him to have a happy holiday and that shit. you could at least repsond to that

and say thanks or something, but NO NOTHING. o well i deleted him off my buddies

list last night,and got rid of all the info from “GCCI” if that’s

even a real corp. i deleted everything, if he decides he wants to talk to

me fine, he can contact me. damn it i really liked talking to him and stuff.

he’s a nice guy to talk to. he’s got everything going for him, a rich uncle,

a bf, great student, a good job. i wish i could have had even one of those.

somepeople are just so lucky. he was a really sweet guy to talk to. but apperantly

he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. he’s made that quite clear. well back

to the original story, i laid there in bed for like 30 minutes just thinkging

about everything, my life, school, jobs, where i’m going in life, everyone

i talk to on the internet. everything. well i just couldn’t take it anymore

so i got up and went for a jog. i was out for an hour, it was snowing it was

soo nice, no one was out. it was a beuatiful night. well i got back here a

little after midnight and then went and took a nice HOT shower. then i came

back in and wrote danny a big old long huge e-mail. it had nothing that would

be of concern to him, but i needed to tell someone, and he was there. so i

did it. i’m kinda regretting it now. but hopefully he will be ok with it all.

then i finally went to bed about 3 this morning, but i didn’t get to sleep

tell sometime after 5 so i’m worling ona bout 3 hours of sleep, not good for

me, not good at all. we had classes as normal today, even though we have a

bout 3 inches of fresh snow on the ground, the local school’s were all canceled,

why can’t they cancel college? I’m really depressed these last couple days.

i think i need some drugs, wonder who i would talk to here on campus to get

some. huh, maybe i should find out.

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