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Another year alone

Well Christmas is over and NYE is coming up soon and another year gone of being single. Another year gone of not being over Clo. We didn’t even text “Merry Christmas” this year… First time in like 8 years. :'(

I started therapy this year to try and help get over him but it hasn’t really worked. I feel I haven’t really made much progress at all in therapy so I think I’m going to stop going.

Christmas was fine, got some nice stuff that I’ll use/need which is good! Most of the week has been pretty boring. I haven’t even opened grindr at all since I got here. We went down to grandma’s house this year singe the evil aunt is living with her. It was pretty lame. Everyone spent most of the time playing on their phones. I honestly don’t even know what the point is any more. I sort of feel bad that I don’t have one of those families that seems to laugh and party. Everyone is just so hard, factual and cold. We don’t drink, we don’t seem to have fun at all. It’s just weird. When I see all these people posting on instagram all the fun and parties that they are doing with family its depressing. It’s also super depressing when I see families going on vacations together, etc. We never do that shit.

Army told me he was out of town all week while I was here so he couldn’t meet up. Well yesterday he posts instagram stories of him flying out of DSM to go to Cancun. What a liar. I’m so over people who do this shit. I am unfriending people like this. There was another guy, Mark, who I was “friends” with. But he would always be going on trips with friends, going out to dinner in SF with friends, etc etc etc. But he NEVER invited me. So I unfriended him. Well he messaged me on Christmas day and we go into it and he said “I really cared about you and thought of you as someone I can trust”. Ok, well that’s great. So I’m just here so you can get comfort when you feel like shit. But Not a real friend. Same with Army. He NEVER invites me on these “friend” trips. But yet he expects me to not only INVITE him but PAY for him to go on trips with me. Fuck that shit.

Took my mom to ORangeTheory to work out. She seemed to enjoy it but for the whole rest of the day she was going on and on about how she didn’t do everything she could, she feels bad she didn’t push harder, her hip hurt and she feels bad she couldn’t run. Etc etc. etc. Gee. I wonder where I get my whole feeling of nothing is ever good enough! Speaking of the parents they are SO FRUSTRATING sometimes. Mom and Dad cannot communicate. Last night they were driving home and Dad couldn’t get the high beams to come on. Well Mom is telling him to just leave it and he starts just SCREAMING about something. And then mom yells back. Like 2 words and they are screaming at each other. It happens over and over again. Dad is retiring in May, mom is all pissed off he hasn’t ASKED her to retire with him. WTF. Then talk to him and say “Hey, should we retire at the same time?”. Or like dad will come home, walk in the door, say hello to the dog and then leave to get the mail. Won’t even say Hello to mom. So weird.

Speaking of OrangeTheory. I have been enjoying the classes here a lot more. I don’t know if it’s because I am going mid-day and I have more energy and i’m not still half asleep or because there are more guys in the class or what. But the classes here have been better, IMHO.

I have a MegaMillions ticket from California that the Lottery app says I won $238… I had a dream last night that it was actually $238MILLION! It was a bug in the app that it couldn’t print the full amount and when I went to get the cast at the gas station they told me… I was so excited. LOL

Ok. I guess that’s all. Bye! See you in 2020!!!!!

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