Category: My Life

We lowered the price to $525. A boat came on the market, one year newer for $520. We lowered the price to $519, the other boat lowered to 500. We went to 499. They went to 495.

I am getting more and more worried this damn boat will never sell. So when do I just embrace it and say “this is my life now”.

Phil and Andrew are leaving today. Lalo leaves in a 4 days. Then I’ll be back alone again.

TBH, I’m so ready for Phil and Andrew to leave. This time around there’s been some massive passive aggressive BS going on that is really pissing me off. The best example is that they will just randomly cook themselves food without saying anything. A simple, “hey, we’re going to make lunch are you interested in anything” would be super nice.

Or like we’ll be cooking dinner together and Phil will just get TWO plates out of the cabinet one for him and one for Andrew, like WTF. Also they have been drinking the SHIT out of my alcohol stash. They went through two BIG ASS Costco sized bottles of liquor. Phil also has this super annoying habit of talking down/condescendingly to you.

Next week I’m going to be PR and I’m so looking forward to just having a hotel, going to the gym, going to Starbucks, having a normal life again for a bit.

Also things with lalo, it’s very very clear this will never work out. He’s just too young. Like last night we went out and the whole night he just sat on his phone playing TikTok. Like interact with the group damnit!.

Anyway. I dunno. I’m ready to be home again. But what does that even mean any more.

So I’m on my 10th country. This year is going so much better than last year. But of course, still sad to be alone doing this whole adventure. If I weren’t single. I would def want to continue on. I think I wrote about Cory and kaz, I wish I could have kept up with them. I keep hearing/seeing these amazing places I want to go. There’s a Med Gay Sailing group that is very active and I really wish I could go there and be part of that. But I just can’t keep doing this alone.

My birthday was Meh this past year. Mark was here, we had a nice trip this time compared to last year as well. None of my family called except my mom and dad. Charles remembered this year which was shocking. I dunno. Another year past, another year of being single. Lalo was “busy” and didn’t text which was SUPER annoying.

I have two guest on board right now who are annoying AF. The guy talks too fucking much. The woman is a mess. She gets DRUNK AF, she makes these constant random “ugh”, “uhh”, etc other small noises. I have 5 more days of them. I Cannot wait for them to get the fuck off my boat.

Trying to figure out how to get from PR to Bahamas is starting to stress me out, TBH. Need crew to get the fuck there asap.

changed my broker agent for the boat. I sure hope this new guy can get it the fuck sold this year. But then what do I do after?

Last night, James randomly brought up Charles and I break up. Asking details about what happened. I still wish that Charles would kinda give me his perspective about what exactly happened there. But whatever.

What am I gonna do after this? Debating, do I try to stay in iowa, do I move back to CA, do I move to Thailand, Greece, Malta? I dunno.

I wish I could stay on the boat. Just with a husband….

We’re living in Nazi America and it’s terrifying. I sit here and watch the news, read the articles, etc etc. and I just cannot believe this is where America is.

ICE is shooting people, going door to door, randomly stopping people and asking “papers please”. This is not AMERICA.

Trump is tearing down the White House. Miller is destroying the foundation of America and yet 40% of America still supports this shit?

I’m just dumbfounded how we got to this point. How people can support what is happening. How people can look out the door and say “I’m happy with where things are going”.

I read this article the other day about Trump taking over Greenland. No one needs to fight back. All they have to do is dump US treasury bonds. If NATO dumps their bonds. It’s the end of America. If China dumps bonds, it’s the end of America. NATO drops US Treasury bonds, you know what happens? The dollar crashes, prices skyrocket, unemployment skyrockets. The Great Depression will look like a boom time compared to what would come. Trillions in wealth would be wiped out. My parents would be wiped out. I would be wiped out. No one would be able to afford anything.

And yet, people still fly “TRUMP” flags. People look at ICE shooting in MN and say “she deserved it”.

I am beyond frustrated. But what more can we do? People say “Write your senators”. What good does that do? Our senators are fucking TRUMP maniacs. IOWA is so trumped out that nothing will happen or help there. I feel helpless, watching as America is destroyed.

wait for November, vote. There won’t be an America left by November. Trump has made it CLEAR he’s going to do whatever he can to stop the elections come November.

In October of 2024, Kamala Harris said: “Donald Trump intends to use the United States military against American citizens who simply disagree with him. People he calls, quote, “the enemy from within.””

And it’s happening. ICE is his secret police force. Doing his bidding.

2025 has had it’s ups and downs for sure. It’s been a tough year but also some amazing stuff has happened.

I did the boat thing, I should be proud of that but I’m ready for it to be over.

I’m still single.. But I met Gerardo and I’m happy to have him in my life. I don’t know where things area headed with him.

I got to spend a summer in Iowa and it’s kinda re-upped my love of the state and my family home.

But things are still down and tough. I want this fucking boat to sell. I want to be back on land and have friends.

I’m still a bit annoyed that my friends are not coming to the boat in droves. That I am practically having to beg people to come.

Yeah. It’s been another year.

One of the hardest parts of this life is just meeting amazing people and then having to constantly say goodbye.

I met Dennis and Tracy in Baltimore, we got all the way to Antigua together. Then they flew home and won’t be back until Feb. By then I’ll be long gone. So who knows if/when I will ever see them again

Cory and Kaz have been great to hang out with and sail with since I met them in Antigua, we went to Barbuda together, all the way down Guadalupe. Now they continue onto the Pacific and I head back north.

Luara and Chuck have been a fun couple to hang with. Haven’t spent a ton of time with them but they have been good travel buddies… Now they also continue south while I stay here in Guadalupe.

Always making connections and then saying goodbye.

Some days it’s hard to get myself out of bed. A lot of the time I only get up so that I can take astra for a walk. What’s going to happen once she leaves to go home with my parents? Will I be more or less active. Prob spend more time just sitting on the boat not going anywhere.

One year ago today I went into a marina in Nassau and had a terrible time. Tomorrow I have to go into a marina here and I’m terrified of doing it myself. It’s a med Moore style too. So going to be even more crazy.

Mark is going to come again for my birthday Jan 13-22. Then Jeff and His wife Jan 23 – Feb 10 (LONG ASS TIME). Then my aunt and cousin are coming Feb 11-15. Then Lalo Feb 23-????. So looking forward to having people on board at least.

Wish I could get someone From Jan 1-13 to come visit.

I just wanna go home. Sell this fucking boat.

But I have to make these hard decision… Option 1 go back to the USA; Option 2 take boat south to Grenada

Option 1 Pro/Con
Pro – Will be back in the USA and easier to manage the boat; Easier for brokers to show the boat; easier for buyers to come see the boat; Insurance will be cheaper; Can live on it during the summer in Baltimore/Annapolis/Etc.
Con – It’s a long way back; IF the boat doesn’t sell I would just do the Bahamas again next year or have to do the long ass passage again. It’s more expensive to dock in the USA than Grenada.

Option 2 Pro/Con
Pro – Boat will be in a beautiful location for starting next season; Less stress getting it back to the USA; Cheaper labor to get work done; Can spend more time in the southern Caribbean
Con – Harder to show/view the boat for sale; Can’t live on it during the summer so where would I go; Parts will be more expensive;

I just dunno what to do. And then on top of that Cory and Kaz are going to the pacific and doing exactly what I WANT To do. I wish I was ready to just go with them and continue buddy boating all the way there.

I’m in this beautiful place, alone, sad, depressed.