Category: My Life

One of the hardest parts of this life is just meeting amazing people and then having to constantly say goodbye.

I met Dennis and Tracy in Baltimore, we got all the way to Antigua together. Then they flew home and won’t be back until Feb. By then I’ll be long gone. So who knows if/when I will ever see them again

Cory and Kaz have been great to hang out with and sail with since I met them in Antigua, we went to Barbuda together, all the way down Guadalupe. Now they continue onto the Pacific and I head back north.

Luara and Chuck have been a fun couple to hang with. Haven’t spent a ton of time with them but they have been good travel buddies… Now they also continue south while I stay here in Guadalupe.

Always making connections and then saying goodbye.

Some days it’s hard to get myself out of bed. A lot of the time I only get up so that I can take astra for a walk. What’s going to happen once she leaves to go home with my parents? Will I be more or less active. Prob spend more time just sitting on the boat not going anywhere.

One year ago today I went into a marina in Nassau and had a terrible time. Tomorrow I have to go into a marina here and I’m terrified of doing it myself. It’s a med Moore style too. So going to be even more crazy.

Mark is going to come again for my birthday Jan 13-22. Then Jeff and His wife Jan 23 – Feb 10 (LONG ASS TIME). Then my aunt and cousin are coming Feb 11-15. Then Lalo Feb 23-????. So looking forward to having people on board at least.

Wish I could get someone From Jan 1-13 to come visit.

I just wanna go home. Sell this fucking boat.

But I have to make these hard decision… Option 1 go back to the USA; Option 2 take boat south to Grenada

Option 1 Pro/Con
Pro – Will be back in the USA and easier to manage the boat; Easier for brokers to show the boat; easier for buyers to come see the boat; Insurance will be cheaper; Can live on it during the summer in Baltimore/Annapolis/Etc.
Con – It’s a long way back; IF the boat doesn’t sell I would just do the Bahamas again next year or have to do the long ass passage again. It’s more expensive to dock in the USA than Grenada.

Option 2 Pro/Con
Pro – Boat will be in a beautiful location for starting next season; Less stress getting it back to the USA; Cheaper labor to get work done; Can spend more time in the southern Caribbean
Con – Harder to show/view the boat for sale; Can’t live on it during the summer so where would I go; Parts will be more expensive;

I just dunno what to do. And then on top of that Cory and Kaz are going to the pacific and doing exactly what I WANT To do. I wish I was ready to just go with them and continue buddy boating all the way there.

I’m in this beautiful place, alone, sad, depressed.

I think it was a mistake to bring astra with me on this trip… It’s been a nightmare already just trying to research stuff for the next island.

And then I was reading online that for St Kitts/Nevis they require a 14 day quarantine period! like WTFFFFF.

Ugh.

Also I’m getting depressed again. I jut want this fucking boat to sell. I am so over this life.

Another thing with people in general… I’ve been traveling with these two gays, Corey and Kaz. The other night Dennis and Tracy invited me out to happy hour. So I invited Corey and Kaz along as guests. It was a super fun night, IMHO.

Well yesterday they were saying that they are going to go out to dinner with some other boat tonight.. But I didn’t get an invite. I just find it weird/annoying.

I am just feeling like maybe I expect too fucking much out of people/the world. It’s getting frustrating AF. I want to go home. I just live a normal life. Find a husband. I dunno.

Things here in Antigua have been fine but also annoying AF. I just feel like I am constantly getting shafted out of life and experiences.

1) Phil, Andrew and I went to a spa for a massage. We all booked the same massage treatment. THEY were offered a shower before and after their massage. _I_ was not. The massage was $100USD.

2) After said massage we went up to the pool to spend the day there. It was a $90USD entry fee which included one drink, one main and (apparently) one bottle of water. So I paid the $90USD and then asked for a TOWEL. The woman gave me an eye roll and said “You didn’t bring one”. BITCH. I am paying $90 FUCKING USD for a day pass to your fucking pool. It should include a god damn towel… I was so annoyed I ate my lunch and then left. I def did not get to enjoy my $90USD. After I left, apparently they offered Andrew and Phil a bottle of water as part of the $90…. Which I did not get.

3) I wanted to be wild and crazy. I spent $30USD on a manicure and nail painting. It’s been less than 24hrs and half the nail polish is already gone.

4) I sent the organizer of the Salty Dawg rally a very detailed email about things that I thought could improve the experience for people. Including suggestions like “less drinking events”, “daily zoom calls with the fleet”, and feedback on the weather router (who EVERYONE agrees was terrible). I got back a very condescending email basically saying that what I was asking was “way too much” for the fees that we pay. WTF bitch you guys spent GOD KNOWS how much money on drinking and beer and other such events.

5) And this is the biggest fucking shaft so far of this trip…. I hired a guy who had been recommended to me by a committee member of the salty dawg rally. He came to my boat, looked over the project said it would take one day. I agreed. His guy showed up around 10am and left by 4:30 or 5pm. There was only EVER ONE PERSON on my boat at any time. YES two different people did work. But only ONE was here at any point. He charged me for 16 HOURS OF WORK. $2,100USD. I tried to talk to him about it and he was just a fucking bitch and said “prove it”. I emailed the committee member who suggested him and his reply was “you’re in their country we have to be nice to them”. FUCK THAT SHIT. This guy is fucking RIPPING ME OFF. The committee member also suggested I just drop it or the worker guy can report me to customs and “cause you an issue the you go to checkout”.

Just so fucking tired of this crap. I just want to go back home. To a country where I know how shit works, where people can and are held semi-accountable.

In other news, I’ve been having nearly daily dreams about Charles which is very annoying.

Lalo and I, i dunno what’s going on here… He says I love you, I say I love you. He’s great to chat with and tons of fun but I just don’t know. He’s 20 years younger than me… how can that possibly work… Ugh.

Mid-passage update. We’re about 4 days out of Bermuda and 4 days to Antigua. So basically the halfway point.

Things on this leg are going much better. Calm Flat seas, light winds. (Almost too light). Crew is in good spirits, so that’s good.

But honestly I still just want to sell this fucking boat. I’ve been kinda day dreaming about asking my parents if I can rent the house. I dunno if I’d be happy there either, but you never know. Maybe I’m ok being a little slower life then I had in the past now. Lalo and I can date, see here it takes us.

My crew last night was talking about their plans for leaving once we get there and it made me kinda sad. Once they leave I’m back all alone on this boat in a new country, with lots of new things to worry about or figure out. Plans to make, progress to make, adventures to make.

I still get urges to call or text Charles since the whole Don calls. Like WTF was he thinking would be my reaction to him calling me and telling me that this guy is still so madly in love with him. And then we haven’t even spoken, texted or anything since that call.. I’d really like to know what his mindset was to make him think that I would want to hear about that stuff.

These NYC boys on the boat are a little weird too IMHO. Like they will make themselves lunch and not say anything to the other two. I’m not expecting them to MAKE us lunch but at least say “hey, we’re making lunch” or something. Other odd things like that too where they just don’t really give courtesy to other people. Maybe it’s just an NYC thing. Who knows.

Let me tell you, after going through that. I never want to do it again. But we have 8 more days to go…

We left Hampton and the weather was amazing. There was this beautiful parade of boats, everyone leaving at once. Lots of radio chatter. It was fun.

The first 24 hours were perfect sailing. Calm seas, good winds, the stuff you dream of when you sail! we got through the Gulf Stream with no problems at all…

Then it all went to shit . The next 72 hours were terrible. HUGE waves, some of them crashing over the helm station. Strong winds mostly 25+ gusting to 30-35. At one point gusting above 40.

Squalls, rain storms, waves. It was just not fun. I think I slept an average 1-2 hours each night. I kept waking up and checking on the people who were at the helm.

The boat did good overall. We only broke a few small things.

Other boats did not fair so well. Broken booms, broken windows, etc etc.

Our weather router was telling us that it would die down and we’d have to motor for 4-5 days!!! So that was very frustrating. We were debating a detour to Bermuda… Then he said “You need to get 520 miles in 72 hours or you’ll get hit by another big front”

That sealed it for us. We went to Bermuda.

So we’re here in Bermuda. It’s been so nice to have land, somewhere to eat. I slept like a rock last night.

I can definitely say I do not ever want to do a passage like this again.