Author: Cj B

Well just left Georgetown… I’ll be back down here around Feb 20th.

It was an exciting time down there for sure, there’s a lot going on. The first couple days we were there we just hiked, beach, bar, etc.

Then we moved to another anchorage and went to this HUGE sandbar which was pretty awesome to watch get swallowed back up by the ocean. I have to time it better next time so that I can see it appear from the ocean!

Then we moved back to the same general area we started in, Another Summer and No Worries who I had met in Charleston were both there. I got to hang out with the boys from Another Summer which was tons of fun.

Hanging with them really makes me WANT kids more. They are so fun and keep me youthful. I think this Is why I like hanging out with younger guys in general. Cause I get to do more fun stuff. etc.

I can for sure though tell my body is getting old.

Not much else really to report. Work is stupid, this new guy is an idiot.

Having a lot of fun but still just want to go home. Not sure wha ti should do next year.

I feel like astra hates it.

We made it to George Town! It’s been a heck of a trip but I’m here! This is as far south as I can go with my insurance.

I had therapy the other day and my therapist was like ‘you’re unhappy here, you’re unhappy in SF, figure it out’. not exactly, he was way nicer about it but that was basically the point.

I’m doing something amaaaazing. I just always come back to not having a partner to do it with. I am traveling with this other boat and it’s been so nice having them around. There’s a straight couple on the boat and one gay guy. the straight couple is so cute working together, kissing each other, etc. I just want that.

The gay guy has been on my boat the past two days, it’s been great having someone here to help with stuff. talking about stuff, doing dishes, etc. Even though nothing happened between us, he sleeps in another bed, etc. But it’s just nice having that companion here.

When I was in SF, I was always unhappy, dreaming about what I could be doing. Unhappy that Charles could never take time off work to go do fun things. Unhappy that we couldn’t’ plan things. But then here I am doing something super amazing and all I want is to be back in our apartment, cuddling, going out to bars, cooking dinner for him, etc.

now that I’ve had this experience, I think I’ll be happier being more “domestic” like that. But it has shown me that I _NEED_ to get out, have adventures, travel, etc. Even if it’s just weekend trips to enjoy life.

I don’t want to just “sit” at home all the time. I want to get out and do things. But I also think that I’ll be more accepting of just being home in SF or wherever with my partner.

I was telling all this stuff to Sean the other day and he was like “you’re describing my life, it can also be lonely”… But that’s also because Sean doesn’t go out and do stuff on his own during the day.

James and Jay met the new guy yesterday…. wonder how that went. Wonder what he’s like.

So this morning I’m feeling a bit sick.

There’s this guy I’ve been chatting with for a few months now. We FT every day, text throughout the day. etc. We’re not “BFs” or anything super serious, but I would still expect a little bit of interest from someone I chat with this much.

He’s been sick a few times since we started chatting, I always ask something like “oh no, what’s wrong”; or you know, some sort of compassion for it or ask if there’s something I can do or be like just generally “drink some water” or even a basic “feel better”

But this morning, I text the guy when I woke up that I was feeling sick. Didn’t even ask “what’s the matter” or anything.

He literally made it about himself “Me too, my eye is getting inflamed again”.

Total Charles vibes in that way.

Kinda lost interested now in that.

Guests are gone and I’m back to being lonely again… I’m still hanging out with that other boat but starting to feel like I’m spending too much time with them or encroaching on them a bit…

It’s weird, like when I’m with people, I just want to be alone. When I’m alone, I want to be with people. WTF make up your mind Christopher. What I really want is just to be with ONE person… I just want to share this experience with one person, spend time with them, cuddle with them, fuck, make dinners, go snorkeling. Plan our life and times together.

I have to keep reminding myself I’m in paradise, doing what a lot of people only dream about doing. But at the same time. I feel just like shit. Don’t want to do anything, just want to lay in bed all day.

I def bought WAY too much food for this trip. I don’t think I need to buy any food at all other than fresh veggies again until I get back to the USA.

Starting to freak out a bit about work, IE am I going to have enough money to live life with.

What do I do when I get back to the USA, where do I live, how do I survive, etc. Already starting to think about my trek back. Where do I land, how much time do I spend between the boat and living on land. Do I drive back to CA again?

Hut and Sean invited me to Norway in May. Nathan and Mike invited me to Greece in August. Need to start planning this shit out and how can I afford it.

I have four apartments empty for the past month and that’s freaking me out a bit.

Fucking be happy Christopher…. You’ve achieved so much. Live it up! What are you complaining about…

I’m sitting here looking out at Crystal blue waters and complaining.