Author: Cj B

We’re living in Nazi America and it’s terrifying. I sit here and watch the news, read the articles, etc etc. and I just cannot believe this is where America is.

ICE is shooting people, going door to door, randomly stopping people and asking “papers please”. This is not AMERICA.

Trump is tearing down the White House. Miller is destroying the foundation of America and yet 40% of America still supports this shit?

I’m just dumbfounded how we got to this point. How people can support what is happening. How people can look out the door and say “I’m happy with where things are going”.

I read this article the other day about Trump taking over Greenland. No one needs to fight back. All they have to do is dump US treasury bonds. If NATO dumps their bonds. It’s the end of America. If China dumps bonds, it’s the end of America. NATO drops US Treasury bonds, you know what happens? The dollar crashes, prices skyrocket, unemployment skyrockets. The Great Depression will look like a boom time compared to what would come. Trillions in wealth would be wiped out. My parents would be wiped out. I would be wiped out. No one would be able to afford anything.

And yet, people still fly “TRUMP” flags. People look at ICE shooting in MN and say “she deserved it”.

I am beyond frustrated. But what more can we do? People say “Write your senators”. What good does that do? Our senators are fucking TRUMP maniacs. IOWA is so trumped out that nothing will happen or help there. I feel helpless, watching as America is destroyed.

wait for November, vote. There won’t be an America left by November. Trump has made it CLEAR he’s going to do whatever he can to stop the elections come November.

In October of 2024, Kamala Harris said: “Donald Trump intends to use the United States military against American citizens who simply disagree with him. People he calls, quote, “the enemy from within.””

And it’s happening. ICE is his secret police force. Doing his bidding.

2025 has had it’s ups and downs for sure. It’s been a tough year but also some amazing stuff has happened.

I did the boat thing, I should be proud of that but I’m ready for it to be over.

I’m still single.. But I met Gerardo and I’m happy to have him in my life. I don’t know where things area headed with him.

I got to spend a summer in Iowa and it’s kinda re-upped my love of the state and my family home.

But things are still down and tough. I want this fucking boat to sell. I want to be back on land and have friends.

I’m still a bit annoyed that my friends are not coming to the boat in droves. That I am practically having to beg people to come.

Yeah. It’s been another year.

One of the hardest parts of this life is just meeting amazing people and then having to constantly say goodbye.

I met Dennis and Tracy in Baltimore, we got all the way to Antigua together. Then they flew home and won’t be back until Feb. By then I’ll be long gone. So who knows if/when I will ever see them again

Cory and Kaz have been great to hang out with and sail with since I met them in Antigua, we went to Barbuda together, all the way down Guadalupe. Now they continue onto the Pacific and I head back north.

Luara and Chuck have been a fun couple to hang with. Haven’t spent a ton of time with them but they have been good travel buddies… Now they also continue south while I stay here in Guadalupe.

Always making connections and then saying goodbye.

Some days it’s hard to get myself out of bed. A lot of the time I only get up so that I can take astra for a walk. What’s going to happen once she leaves to go home with my parents? Will I be more or less active. Prob spend more time just sitting on the boat not going anywhere.

One year ago today I went into a marina in Nassau and had a terrible time. Tomorrow I have to go into a marina here and I’m terrified of doing it myself. It’s a med Moore style too. So going to be even more crazy.

Mark is going to come again for my birthday Jan 13-22. Then Jeff and His wife Jan 23 – Feb 10 (LONG ASS TIME). Then my aunt and cousin are coming Feb 11-15. Then Lalo Feb 23-????. So looking forward to having people on board at least.

Wish I could get someone From Jan 1-13 to come visit.

I just wanna go home. Sell this fucking boat.

But I have to make these hard decision… Option 1 go back to the USA; Option 2 take boat south to Grenada

Option 1 Pro/Con
Pro – Will be back in the USA and easier to manage the boat; Easier for brokers to show the boat; easier for buyers to come see the boat; Insurance will be cheaper; Can live on it during the summer in Baltimore/Annapolis/Etc.
Con – It’s a long way back; IF the boat doesn’t sell I would just do the Bahamas again next year or have to do the long ass passage again. It’s more expensive to dock in the USA than Grenada.

Option 2 Pro/Con
Pro – Boat will be in a beautiful location for starting next season; Less stress getting it back to the USA; Cheaper labor to get work done; Can spend more time in the southern Caribbean
Con – Harder to show/view the boat for sale; Can’t live on it during the summer so where would I go; Parts will be more expensive;

I just dunno what to do. And then on top of that Cory and Kaz are going to the pacific and doing exactly what I WANT To do. I wish I was ready to just go with them and continue buddy boating all the way there.

I’m in this beautiful place, alone, sad, depressed.

I think it was a mistake to bring astra with me on this trip… It’s been a nightmare already just trying to research stuff for the next island.

And then I was reading online that for St Kitts/Nevis they require a 14 day quarantine period! like WTFFFFF.

Ugh.

Also I’m getting depressed again. I jut want this fucking boat to sell. I am so over this life.

Another thing with people in general… I’ve been traveling with these two gays, Corey and Kaz. The other night Dennis and Tracy invited me out to happy hour. So I invited Corey and Kaz along as guests. It was a super fun night, IMHO.

Well yesterday they were saying that they are going to go out to dinner with some other boat tonight.. But I didn’t get an invite. I just find it weird/annoying.

I am just feeling like maybe I expect too fucking much out of people/the world. It’s getting frustrating AF. I want to go home. I just live a normal life. Find a husband. I dunno.

Things here in Antigua have been fine but also annoying AF. I just feel like I am constantly getting shafted out of life and experiences.

1) Phil, Andrew and I went to a spa for a massage. We all booked the same massage treatment. THEY were offered a shower before and after their massage. _I_ was not. The massage was $100USD.

2) After said massage we went up to the pool to spend the day there. It was a $90USD entry fee which included one drink, one main and (apparently) one bottle of water. So I paid the $90USD and then asked for a TOWEL. The woman gave me an eye roll and said “You didn’t bring one”. BITCH. I am paying $90 FUCKING USD for a day pass to your fucking pool. It should include a god damn towel… I was so annoyed I ate my lunch and then left. I def did not get to enjoy my $90USD. After I left, apparently they offered Andrew and Phil a bottle of water as part of the $90…. Which I did not get.

3) I wanted to be wild and crazy. I spent $30USD on a manicure and nail painting. It’s been less than 24hrs and half the nail polish is already gone.

4) I sent the organizer of the Salty Dawg rally a very detailed email about things that I thought could improve the experience for people. Including suggestions like “less drinking events”, “daily zoom calls with the fleet”, and feedback on the weather router (who EVERYONE agrees was terrible). I got back a very condescending email basically saying that what I was asking was “way too much” for the fees that we pay. WTF bitch you guys spent GOD KNOWS how much money on drinking and beer and other such events.

5) And this is the biggest fucking shaft so far of this trip…. I hired a guy who had been recommended to me by a committee member of the salty dawg rally. He came to my boat, looked over the project said it would take one day. I agreed. His guy showed up around 10am and left by 4:30 or 5pm. There was only EVER ONE PERSON on my boat at any time. YES two different people did work. But only ONE was here at any point. He charged me for 16 HOURS OF WORK. $2,100USD. I tried to talk to him about it and he was just a fucking bitch and said “prove it”. I emailed the committee member who suggested him and his reply was “you’re in their country we have to be nice to them”. FUCK THAT SHIT. This guy is fucking RIPPING ME OFF. The committee member also suggested I just drop it or the worker guy can report me to customs and “cause you an issue the you go to checkout”.

Just so fucking tired of this crap. I just want to go back home. To a country where I know how shit works, where people can and are held semi-accountable.

In other news, I’ve been having nearly daily dreams about Charles which is very annoying.

Lalo and I, i dunno what’s going on here… He says I love you, I say I love you. He’s great to chat with and tons of fun but I just don’t know. He’s 20 years younger than me… how can that possibly work… Ugh.