Ups, Downs, All overs

It’s been a while since I posted again. Things have been a whirlwind of shit and work has been crazy.

Work related, they fired Catey which sucked but also was needed. They promoted her replacement from inside and he’s a great person to work with. I like that he makes hard decisions and sticks with them. They also hired a new guy, but honestly I don’t like him very much so far. We will see how that goes.

Charles and I are back together, we broke up for a few days, he was going to look for new places but then we worked it out. Honestly though this is not going to last long term.
1) He forgot my birthday. I reminded him about it the Saturday before (1 week before). I asked him to try and get the day off so we could do something together. He forgot to take the day off. When I reminded him about it, he didn’t do anything to try and get people to cover him so he could have it off. He didn’t make dinner or any other plans until the day of my birthday. He’s the MANAGER who MAKES the schedules, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be able to get it off.

2) His just general inability to care or ask about my day, follow up on things, etc. I guess maybe I just require too much out of him, but I want someone who’s fucking willing to ask me about my day, care about my life in general, etc.

3) When my grandma died, I felt like he could have done a lot more to make it better for me, make me feel more loved, etc.

4) My aunt, uncle and I drove our asses off to try and make it back in time for HIS birthday. I told him I would be back in time for dinner. He scheduled his birthday party for noon. I ended up arriving right back at noon. He couldn’t have waited one or two hours to host his birthday lunch. Then after his birthday lunch instead of coming home to see his boyfriend who’d been gone for a week burying his grandma. He choose to spend more time with his friend just shopping, prioritizing himself and his friend over seeing me and comforting me.

5) We were at his cousins house last weekend. We were talking about the month long trip we are leaving on and he was complaining that it’s “too stressful” because everything is planned out already and we have stuff to do almost every day. Bitch you’re getting a basically FREE FUCKING TRIP to Thailand and the Philippines completely planned out. And you’re bitching that it’s too stressful. How about you fucking be GRATEFUL for it.

6) He can’t communicate his feelings or have serious discussions about anything. He just shuts down. And to include this he just can’t communicate period sometimes. Like he is unable to reply to messages, etc.

7) He can’t manage money and honestly, sometimes I feel like he’s just into this relationships FOR the money. He makes decent money but I feel like he doesn’t contribute to the “family” enough.

8) I just don’t think we’re sexually compatible long term.

I just don’t know what to do in life right now. Like I’m making all this “money” but it never seems to say in my accounts. I feel like I’m getting ahead and then all of a sudden something comes up and it’s all gone.. IE this month alone I have to pay $55k in taxes, again! Fucking taxes are killing me.

I want to go sailing, I want to go RVing. I want a nice house somewhere. I want a BOYFRIEND who meets/matches me. I dunno. I’m just pretty lost and not sure what to do/where to go/ how to live.

On top of it, I’ve gained like 20 lbs and I feel disgusting.

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