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My Life

Why can’t I move on?

Why can’t I move on from people who clearly don’t care that much about me? Or maybe I am just expecting too much from people?

After Suresh and I spoke on the phone, I texted him that I had some big news too… I said “we can talk about it after he gets more settled”. He replied that he would be free Sunday to talk. I told him to give me a call any time. Sunday he texts me about 9pm his time: “I took the longest nap ever, but no work tomorrow”. I replied “lol. you’re going to be awake all night now, talk tomorrow”. No reply from him since. So everything is just on his time, his schedule, what he wants to do. But here I am, sitting at home alone, tears in my eyes because he hasn’t reached out. If someone told me, “BTW, I have some big news” I would want to call them RIGHT THEN AND THERE to find out what it was.

Same shit with Jason. Since he left from the trip here, I haven’t heard from him at all. I reached out a few times, asking if we were going to talk. He said yes, but I feel that the ball is in his court. If he doesn’t want to talk, then fine. Whatever.

I just don’t understand. Do I come on too strong? How do I hold back. But at the same time, I’ve MISSED OUT on guys that I was super into because I didn’t move fast enough apparently. (Jenyu, Rannie)

This Dom guy that I went on a date with last week, I really want to see him again. I want to get to know him better. But at the same time, I don’t want to come on too quickly and too much and scare him off. I try to text him and sometimes he seems into chatting, other times not so much. At the end of our first date, he said he wanted a second date… But he won’t COMMIT to a second date.

I’m also still upset about the whole Charles thing, I REALLY want to know what I did wrong with him.

I went on a date with this guy yesterday and he seemed fine when we were chatting but then once we met in person he was SO ANNOYING. He kept asking me like how many guys I had sex with, he kept asking me if I found guys walking around hot or not and then he would make some negative remark when I said yes. We cuddled at home and he wouldn’t sit still… That really made me miss Suresh, he was the PERFECT cuddle buddy. He just laid there, cuddled, talked at the right times.

Saturday I did this nice 45 mile bike ride with this gay group in SF. It was a nice ride but everyone was a bit older.

I am going to try and start signing up for some volunteer work and doing more of these group rides/hikes/etc. I met this guy on grindr literally a few blocks away who is into biking too (in vallejo). It kinda sucks that AS I AM LEAVING I am meeting guys.

I’m still super stressed about what to do with the house itself. I have posted it online and getting a lot of attraction but nothing firm yet.

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