My Life

Hasta Luego Suresh

Last night was the last night I’ll see Suresh, maybe ever. We will see.

He came over in the afternoon and we headed into the city. I had booked a surprise for him which was the Van Gogh experience in SF. We got there, parked, walked over and then just enjoyed the show. We sat on the floor and I just wanted to cuddle him while we sat there. After the show was over we walked around Hays valley a bit and did some shopping together and then found a sushi place to eat. Throughout all of dinner we talked about what is the meaning of life. It was a great discussion and fun to have. I wish we could have more of them.

From there we headed over to his old work place. It is an amazing space and it was so cute to see all his old co-workers hugging him. Everyone loves him so much. We sat down and had drinks. We talked about love, his parents, friends, his ex-guy. We sat there in silence and I just looked at him.

Finally I took his hand and just held it.

We started talking more about us and in my mind I just said fuck it. I told him exactly how I felt. I care about him so much. I want more than just friends with him. He said that had I expressed that earlier on, maybe something would have happened. Too little, too late.

We left there and drove home. I held his hand the whole way, we talked more. I told him everything, no holding back. I told him that I have had feelings for him since the early days but didn’t want to overstep our bounds as hookups. Got back to my place and I invited him in. We watched two more episodes of The Magicians, cuddled close. During one of the episodes, I kissed him. He kissed me back. This time, it didn’t feel reluctant. It felt natural and safe.

At the end, we kissed some more, I held him close. I told him I would miss him so much. We got up, got dressed and he left. I gave him a letter, a gift and a kiss.

I hope he stays in touch. I hope we can be friends if not more. But I am not going to hold my breathe. He’s clearly a very well loved person, he is going to have guys chasing him no matter what he does in life. I wish I could see him again before he leaves but I know I won’t.

I am happy with the way things ended. I am glad we had our last night together. I want him to stay to be here, to say he cares about me. But I know he won’t. I am content with that.

Hasta Luego Suresh. I hope to see you again soon.

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