The past week has been super interesting…. Lots of stuff going on and not sure what to think about most of it.
I met up with Suresh the next day after he texted me. He said he was moving back to Iowa because he felt he had a better social life there. He missed his friends, his job, etc. We ended up walking around Benicia for hours, just talking about things. Discussing what happened over the past couple months between us. Then he came back to my place and ended up spending the night. That was nice. We just cuddled. Nothing happened.
USPS had also randomly reached out to me. We haven’t spoken in ages but he texted asking to hang out and have dinner. We met up for dinner and it was fine but kinda awk. He wants to hang out more, but honestly I am just not sure I am into that any more.
Saturday I had two dates and a rock climb with Rex. The first date as horrible, the guy was so boring. He hasn’t done anything in his life and he’s 36 years old. We had nothing to talk about. So it ended pretty quickly. Haven’t heard from him since. Rock climbing with Rex was fun, I sure suck. Ran into Patrick there who I haven’t seen since I left LA. I found it very awk to talk to him again honestly. I have a little resentment towards him in the fact that when I moved back to the Bay Area he never made any attempt to hang out after I reached out to him multiple times.
I was going to have a dinner date with Charles Saturday evening but he had been doing the whole non-reply thing and or not messaging me first, so I didn’t reach out to him that day. He finally messaged me late at night wanting to hang out, so I told him to just come over. We hung out, made out, talked. I told him that I wanted to be more then just a fuck buddy and I’d like to take him out on some dates and see how things go. He seemed into it, the next few days he was super chatty and texting things. Then on this past friday I messaged him a few times and haven’t heard a peep since. So maybe I did something to piss him off already? Who knows. He is in Palm Springs as of sunday, so I will chalk it up to “he’s busy there”, and if he messages, he messages. If not, then whatever.
Jason arrived here Monday and he was in a mood. I was not having it at all but I think things calmed down. We packed Tuesday to go camping. The camping trip was fun but the problem is that I think Jason wants more from me then just friends. And I do not want that with him. He has fucked me over way too much in the past, he lies to me, hides things from me, etc. We got back Friday and Derik met up with us. We all went out to some bar and had fun. Saturday morning we wake up and he’s being a total bitch again. I sort of went and did my own thing that morning and then around 10am I come into the bedroom and he’s bawling his eyes out saying he has to go to some hospital in San Jose because one of his friends dad’s is in the hospital. So I just took him to BART and haven’t heard a peep from him since.
Jason also was chatting with Suresh on Grindr. That really pissed me off. Makes me wonder how many guys Suresh is meeting up with. He’s super cute, very chatty/friendly and he’s such a sub that I feel like any guy who says “come over” he will come over and do whatever they want.
Went out to Dore Alley Saturday and Sunday. It was not my thing. I didn’t really enjoy it much.
Sunday, Suresh and I were chatting a while, we hung out Monday night, we have plans for Friday night and we sort of semi-have plans for another night this week. He came over yesterday around 1pm and we just hung out. Cuddled on the couch, went grocery shopping, made dinner, cuddled on the couch more. Watched a TV show. I honestly have no idea what it is he wants at all. He’s leaving but he also seems very interested in hanging out more and more. He stayed the night last night and we finally made out and then jerked off. But he didn’t seem that INTO making out. It almost seemed a bit reluctant. I just don’t know what to do with him. I feel these feelings, I know that nothing will work. Yesterday we were talking about something and I was just like “Jesus, there’s no way we could be happy together”. But then my mind just wants to see him more and have more of stuff to do with him. I want to go on a trip with him. That would be the deal breaker.