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Blake’s Death

As anyone who knows me knows, Whenever I start to like someone I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what our future would be like. I do this with people I’m not even in relationships with. I just like to think about those sorts of things. I think long term, and I think what I’d do after they died and I think about how long we’d be together and I think about our Anniversaries… I think about it all… Just to see if there’s a point to even continuing to harbor a crush or not. For instance, JonJon I knew all along there was no reason in going on withhim. There was no future there.he kept saying he’d change to soemthing that I’d like, but he never would. He still hasn’t. So yeah.

With Blake, I spend more time thinking about his death. He’s sick, I can’t look past that, I know he’ll probably die long before I do if we are to get together or last. And I have to prepare myself. But I think, I think about the day he dies, how I want it to happen. I want him at home, in our bed. I want to be laying next to him holding him to the last breath. I want the funeral to be beutiful, with so many flowers and so many people. I know he’ll have tons of people at his funeral. Because he’s so popular with everyone in his town. I think about the ring I want him to wear, it will be our wedding ring. But I already know where I want to get it and what I want it to look like…

I see myself at the funeral. Sad and alone. No one really comforting me because no one around him accepts his homosexuality. I see myself going up to the coffin after everyone is gone and holding his hand one last time, giving him one last kiss onthe cheek and slipping a note in with him. Telling him of how much I love him..

I see myself after, going back to his grave site, On his birthday, to say hello. I’ll bring him a note every year. And a small birthday cake. I’ll have a picnik there and tell him all about what’s going on in my life.

But untill that day, I see a very happy future… If only we could work out some way to see each other.

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