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Why?

Last night I thought about alot of things… and I had a lot of stuff to post about today, but I’m just not in the mood to do it…

There’s two things in this world that I truly love, Adam and scouting…. Last night both of those came into my thoughts a lot.

First was the fact that yesterday was the first day that it was realy nice out, and that reminded me of all the weekend campouts, the conclaves, the pow-wows, the summer camping trips, the high-adventure. All the camping, the weekly meetings… I miss those and that really hurts. I want to go back and do that again, I miss all the weekend camping, the weekends out on our own, in nature, I miss the weekly troop meetings, the first wed of the month meetings, the second tuesday of the month meetings and the third thursday of the month meetings.. I miss it all. I want to go back to badly, why can’t something that I love so much, hate me so much.

Second was Adam, the story yesterday (yes, that was written about us, by one of our friends) really hit home for me, it really meant alot to me and there’s so much that I wish I could add onto that story. I won’t do that, but looking back, I’m glad things happened the way they did, and it’s another one of those times in my life where I wish I would have taken more memories from, I wish that we would have danced another song, I wish that we would have gotten our pictures taken professionaly, there’s so much that I wish… But I enjoyed the night for what it was and will always remember it, I’ll always have the pictures that were taken there, and the song that we did dance too. Those memories will never leave…

I also thought about alot of other things, mostly about last summer, at camp, just random memories of camping and things that happened, or Angels leaving in August, that made me cry again, because when it happened, Adam was so hurt, and I didn’t know what to do. I wish that I could have just laid there and held him, but that was still to close to after our break-up to do that…. I just stood there and told him it’s alright, and I don’t feel that was enough for me, I wish that I could have done more. I also thought about Linda Anderson, my Engl prof from last semester and how much I hated her, and the fact that when I bitched her out there was so much more that I could have said to her to make my point more clear….

Last night was full of wishes, but not wishes for the future, wishes of things I should have done.

“If I were not a Boy Scout… I don’t know what I’d be”

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