Coronavirus!

Man this has been such a meessssss. Markets are crashing, everyone is working from home. I’ve lost $93,000 in the past two weeks alone on the markets.

Trump and the GOP is of course not handling this. I cannot believe that he went out tried to buy the vaccine from Germany. This guy is a mess and I cannot believe anyone supports him or ANYONE in the GOP at this point. I read these forums that are pretty conservative and the shit these idiots spew is just mind boggling.

My parents were supposed to go on a cruise this week and my mom is actually MAD that they cancelled it. WTF.

In other news, my dating life suck. I’ve been on three dates in the past week and all of them have sucked. The first guy was super AWK, second guy was super fem and drank four glasses of wine in one quick lunch meeting the third guy was nice but WAY too aggressive for me.

Anyway.. Lots to say but don’t really feel like it. Same old shit. Can’t move on from past stuff…

Let’s drag up something from 20 years ago…

Wow, this morning I received a shocking message via instagram. Someone I dated nearly TWENTY YEARS AGO messaged me and said that I need to apologize for the way that I treated him while we were dating. Specifically one instance where he said I was overly aggressive towards him and ever since then any time someone has yelled at him he breaks down crying.

Seriously, wtf. The incident happened during a fight in which he was ALSO being aggressive. Get over yourself. If you’re letting one fucking thing like that ruin or impact your life for 20 years, it’s not my fault. Learn and move on from it. I WILL ADMIT that my behavior at the time was not right and I have learned from it. That’s what everyone does. We were both young and dumb back then and we grow and change. That’s how life happens.

If he really wants to bring that shit up, then let’s talk about how I upended my life for him, moving half way across the country only for him to dump me LITERALLY DAYS LATER. How about how that has impacted me? But whatever, we make mistakes and move on.

IN OTHER NEWS. Not a lot going on. I’ve been focusing hard AF on paying down all my debts. Paid nearly $45,000 in the past two months and should be debt free by the end of March. Not including my houses, of course.

I’ve still been hanging out with Derik a lot and we’ve been going to OTF nearly every day. I’m down 8lbs so far this month, I need to really start getting to the gym gym and doing weights more so I can grow my pecs.

And that’s really all I have to say. I’m out.

Starting to see progress…. NOT!

I started to see progress… I went from 212 -> 208 in one week… And then the weekend came around and I shot up to 217 over the weekend!!! I don’t get how that happens. I worked my ASS off all day Saturday, rested all day Sunday. I Didn’t eat super healthy but I also didn’t go all out crazy. Fucking weight. 🙁

Speaking of Saturday. I FINALLY installed Sod at my house. That was exciting. My yard is finally coming around to looking nice. The old grumpy Japanese lady across the street even complimented it!

Not too much else has been going on. I’ve been hanging out with this guy Derik but I honestly have no clue what is happening with him there. We “kiss” but we haven’t had sex yet. He comes over every day at 5pm, we make dinner, we cuddle on the couch, we go to the gym.

Two weekends ago we went camping in Yosemite together. Nothing happened there. Yosemite itself was of course amazing and it was nice to not have crazy crowds there. I love that place just wish it weren’t so hard to get into.

There’s been this guy at OTF that is like the PERFECT man physically. He’s got this super cute face, muscular but beefy body, cute hair… OMG. He’s so hot. The weird thing is, he of COURSE reminds me of Calvin… Why can I NOT stop thinking about him. It’s been years and I still think about him nearly every day.

I am very upset with the political climate right now. Fuck the GOP for not voting to remove Trump. WTF is going on with Bernie supporters, they are JUST AS BAD as Trump supporters. How is Pete shooting up in the votes so much? White privilege?? I’m upset that Warren is not doing better.

There’s a blueberry farm for sale in BORING, OR. It’s perfect. It’s close to Portland, it’s something I know already, it’s “ONLY” $14m. I wish I could make that leap. I wish I had the balls to jump and do it. I’m sure I could get funding for it. I’m just scared to do it.

I got my review at work too. Kinda frustrating by that to be honest.

Got my first rental of 2020. That is exciting but I am frustrated that my Torino and the trailers haven’t sold yet! I REALLY need to sell this fucking Torino.

New year. Fatter Me!

I honestly do not get it… I’ve been going to Orange Theory for months now. I go min 3 times a week, mostly 4. I burn 800-1000 calories per day. I walk my dog 2-3 miles per day, my watch says I burn another 200-300 calories there.. I don’t really pig out a lot. I eat yogurt for breakfast, I eat a normal lunch, I cook myself dinner. I eat sweets but not a lot. Yet I cannot fucking lose weight. I have been tracking my weight for the past year. I went from 212lbs to…….. 212lbs.

All this work and NOTHING to show for it. Seriously. Everyone says it’s all about diet, but it’s not like I’m going to fucking fast food every day. It’s not like I’m eating out at horrible places every day, it’s not like I’m eating a bucket of ice cream every day! I just Don’t get it. It’s honestly really discouraging. I looked at pictures from 1 year ago and today, even though I am the same weight, I feel that I even LOOKED BETTER a year ago.

In other news, work is work. I have a new boss and we will see how that goes. He is doing these weekly one on ones which I think is a bit over kill. He’s also very ADD sometimes. We had a meeting last week and he asked me a question, I answered half of it before he pivoted to something else. He also assigned me something to have done by this weeks one on one but I need more information from him to be able to complete it. I have emailed him three times and no reply at all.

I haven’t really been going on many dates recently. I met this guy in Okalahoma city on the way back from Iowa and while he’s a very nice guy, I am pretty turned off by the way he tells me about all his random hookups. So I just don’t know what to do with him. I also met this other guy who lives in Vallejo. We have been hanging out and he seems super nice. We are going to go camping next weekend and he is taking me out for my birthdays tomorrow.

Really nothing much going on. I am honestly feeling a bit down/depressed lately.

Another year alone

Well Christmas is over and NYE is coming up soon and another year gone of being single. Another year gone of not being over Clo. We didn’t even text “Merry Christmas” this year… First time in like 8 years. :'(

I started therapy this year to try and help get over him but it hasn’t really worked. I feel I haven’t really made much progress at all in therapy so I think I’m going to stop going.

Christmas was fine, got some nice stuff that I’ll use/need which is good! Most of the week has been pretty boring. I haven’t even opened grindr at all since I got here. We went down to grandma’s house this year singe the evil aunt is living with her. It was pretty lame. Everyone spent most of the time playing on their phones. I honestly don’t even know what the point is any more. I sort of feel bad that I don’t have one of those families that seems to laugh and party. Everyone is just so hard, factual and cold. We don’t drink, we don’t seem to have fun at all. It’s just weird. When I see all these people posting on instagram all the fun and parties that they are doing with family its depressing. It’s also super depressing when I see families going on vacations together, etc. We never do that shit.

Army told me he was out of town all week while I was here so he couldn’t meet up. Well yesterday he posts instagram stories of him flying out of DSM to go to Cancun. What a liar. I’m so over people who do this shit. I am unfriending people like this. There was another guy, Mark, who I was “friends” with. But he would always be going on trips with friends, going out to dinner in SF with friends, etc etc etc. But he NEVER invited me. So I unfriended him. Well he messaged me on Christmas day and we go into it and he said “I really cared about you and thought of you as someone I can trust”. Ok, well that’s great. So I’m just here so you can get comfort when you feel like shit. But Not a real friend. Same with Army. He NEVER invites me on these “friend” trips. But yet he expects me to not only INVITE him but PAY for him to go on trips with me. Fuck that shit.

Took my mom to ORangeTheory to work out. She seemed to enjoy it but for the whole rest of the day she was going on and on about how she didn’t do everything she could, she feels bad she didn’t push harder, her hip hurt and she feels bad she couldn’t run. Etc etc. etc. Gee. I wonder where I get my whole feeling of nothing is ever good enough! Speaking of the parents they are SO FRUSTRATING sometimes. Mom and Dad cannot communicate. Last night they were driving home and Dad couldn’t get the high beams to come on. Well Mom is telling him to just leave it and he starts just SCREAMING about something. And then mom yells back. Like 2 words and they are screaming at each other. It happens over and over again. Dad is retiring in May, mom is all pissed off he hasn’t ASKED her to retire with him. WTF. Then talk to him and say “Hey, should we retire at the same time?”. Or like dad will come home, walk in the door, say hello to the dog and then leave to get the mail. Won’t even say Hello to mom. So weird.

Speaking of OrangeTheory. I have been enjoying the classes here a lot more. I don’t know if it’s because I am going mid-day and I have more energy and i’m not still half asleep or because there are more guys in the class or what. But the classes here have been better, IMHO.

I have a MegaMillions ticket from California that the Lottery app says I won $238… I had a dream last night that it was actually $238MILLION! It was a bug in the app that it couldn’t print the full amount and when I went to get the cast at the gas station they told me… I was so excited. LOL

Ok. I guess that’s all. Bye! See you in 2020!!!!!