Baby Dreams

When I was home for Christmas Army was talking a lot about babies and how he wants two kids, one with his DNA and one with his Partners DNA. Last night we were texting and he was like “I want babies now” and we talked a bit about it for a while.

That caused me to have some crazy baby dreams last night. First dream they were new borns, driving them around in child seats in the back of my QX60. Taking them to their first Christmas. Our families were together at my parents house. It was cute.

Then the roommate woke me up by getting up in the middle of the night.

Second dream they were older. We had bought my parents house and remodeled it. The kids were starting to learn how to drive and I was teaching them on my ’78 Bronco. I had quit my job and was working from home and we were home schooling the boys. Army was working.

I sort of want babies now. Before I get too old.

Army, Calvin, Illegal and Body!

Hmm, lots of boys to talk about here…

Let’s start with Army, he’s been very quiet lately, barely any txts. On Sunday he texted “Zaddy” and I was very busy so didn’t really message much. Last night I txted him “Why you never call daddy any more” and then a few minutes later he facetimed and we chatted for 30 minutes. This AM he txted me. Weird. I’m still very concerned that I haven’t told him about my status and I’m scared to bring it up now. I dunno what to say/do.

Last night I was in the shower and started thinking about Calvin, when I got out of the shower he had txted me. First I had heard from him since my Birthday. He just sent some random link. I replied “Creepy, I was just thinking about you”. He replied “not in a bad way I hope”. We didn’t really say anything after that. I want to say something to him about how I miss us, but I need to move the fuck on.

Had a second date with Illegal on Sunday. He came over to my house and we cooked dinner, watched two movies and made out in bed. He’s a nice guy but I haven’t made any effort to reach out to him since Sunday and neither has he, so I assume that means he’s not interested and neither am I really… So that’s that.

I’m still frustrated over the whole Thumper thing. I just don’t get it. I was SO EXCITED to be back in contact with him. WTF.

As I said before I’ve been hitting the gym daily. Some days I look at myself and I feel like I see improvement, slightly bigger arms, chest, etc. Other days I look in the mirror and just see a fat ugly bitch. When I last posted, I was under 200lbs. Now I’m back above 200lbs, I’m hoping it’s all muscle?! I have a hot asian gym husband that I stare at when I work out. Woof. I cannot tell if he’s gay though. His routine is to do this dance class and then he does weights. In dance class he shakes his booty all over and it’s so hot. I just stare at him while doing the elliptical.

I’m out!

Date with an Illegal.

So last night was Valentines day. I had been talking to this guy for a week now and we decided on Monday to have a date Wednesday, when we decided I didn’t even realize it was Valentines day! haha.

So we decided to meet at this place called Crush in Fairfield. We figured there would be a huge wait, so I got there early and the place was EMPTY. There are only about 5 tables in the whole place so we got one right away. They were having a prix fixe meal for V-day, which I wasn’t expecting and cost $100, so I paid.

The food was really yummy. I’m going to have to go back there again when it’s not prix fixe and see what the other dishes were like.

The guy was super nice, very very cute. He works at a fast food place and is trying to save money to go to college. He likes hiking and outdoors.

After dinner we walked to this mexican ice cream store and got ice cream and just chatted then I walked him back to his car and we made out a bit and said goodnight.

We’re already discussing a second date to go hiking so we will see if that works or not.

Army also got his V-day gift and he seemed happy about it. Though he never said “Thanks” which is a bit annoying. He just said “awwww, daddy got me a present. I’m happy” and then he asked me what my shirt and pants sizes are. Weird. He has been saying “Night daddy” the last couple nights but no phone calls/facetimes… I FaceTimed him the other day on my way home from the gym to tell him a story about this crazy situp guy, but he didn’t seem that interested and said he had to go study so it was very brief.

Yesterday at work we also had a huge Chinese new year lunch. It was SUPER AWK and took like 3 fucking hours! There was SO MUCH FOOD but most of it I didn’t eat cause it was fish.

I hired a new guy yesterday. I emailed HR and asked them to please extend an offer letter. My boss came over to me a few minutes later and was like “We really need to make sure we have group interviews moving forward”. Umm, excuse me? It’s my fucking department. He’s a low level fucking employee, why do we need to have GROUP INTERVIEWS. Let me fucking run/hire my department myself. I fucking hate being micro-managed!

RPF called me yesterday and apparently their new ERP system is delayed YET AGAIN until May. When the new bosses took over they said they would have it in place in 3 months and they kept me on for 6. Now here it is a year and a half later and they aren’t LIVE with it yet! I guess the company they chose to go with just cannot deliver anything they promised. I should have just stayed on with them.

Under 200

I’m having trouble writing much here today…

Army things have been strange again. Last week he called me nearly every day to chat. One day he even called twice. Then Saturday he called me twice, then yesterday barely anything and nothing yet today. I don’t get it. Jason says I need to stop. It’s super annoying how army never seems to care about what I’m doing or how my day has been, etc. I always ask him how his day is, what he’s been up too, etc. But he never asks me things like that. I bought him a small v-day gift that will be delivered on Wed. Why am I doing this to myself? Stupid.

I went on a date with this asian guy last night. He literally lives around the corner from my house, he was nice but super AWK.

Saturday I met this other guy from Vacaville, also nice but not exactly my type. We will for sure hang out more though because we had fun, but nothing more then friends there.

Sunday I went shopping, accidentally spent $600+ in about 45 minutes at the outlet stores. That place is dangerous. Then I purged my old clothes. Donated 3 garbage bags full of old clothes. I have only ONE pair of blue jeans left because I decided I hated all of the ones I have. Plus I donated ALL of my shoes except for the pair I wear every day and my hiking boots.

I matched with this really cute guy on Tinder, we were chatting and then he said “Oh I”m just visiting.” I asked where are you from. He said: “You won’t know where it is, but The tri-cities”. WTF why couldn’t I meet him when I lived there!

The roommate never came home on Friday night after work, then showed up randomly about 2pm Saturday and was home for about an hour then left and said “I’ll be back tonight”. He didn’t come home again until about 11pm Sunday. Sure, he’s an adult he can do what he wants and come and go as he pleases, but I just wish he would let me know if he’s going to be home or not. Cause I feel super AWK if I have someone over and he’s going to be around or he will just randomly show up. So I don’t want to invite people over unless I know for SURE he will be gone.

I’ve been debating blocking Calvin on social media, but I feel like I should email him and explain why before I do.

We just had our weekly corporate meeting and they are shuffling all these people around. Making things more “independent”. They hired these expensive ass consultants and so far everything they’ve at least announced, _I_ could have told them needed to be done.

This weekend I officially am UNDER 200lbs! Need to keep up at the gym and hopefully by next weekend I’ll be down to 190! I haven’t been under 200lbs in years.

I need a dating cheat sheet

I do not get the dating game… I need a cheat code for it. Why does everything have to be a game.

Boy A likes Boy B. Why can they not just say that, be open about it and not fucking play games!

Thumper and I made a FOURTH date. He cancelled again. I haven’t heard from him since. He has today off. I was so into him, I already know him in person. He sends me lots of cute pics, we were chatting non-stop for weeks now. I just do not get it.

Then, on Monday fucking ARMY txts me while I’m at the gym. He says “I miss my Daddy” with a crying emoji face. I txt him back, “Are you fucking drunk”. He facetimes me. We end up chatting for 3 hours on FT.

Then we go by a few days, very little chatting then last night I’m sitting here after my cancelled date and Army facetime out of the blue. We chatted for about 30 minutes.

WTF!? BOYS!

Then all these guys “match” me on tinder and then never reply to messages. Same with OKCupid, no replies.

I had my second PT today. He gave me some more exercises but said that my knee was getting stronger already. I told him I’m not feeling anything different.

Been going to the gym daily. I feel like there’s some improvement already.