Cross post from Reddit… https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/comments/1h9hce4/i_messed_up_by_moving_onto_a_boat_and_dont_know/
I’ve been dreaming of living on a sailboat for years (10+ that I can remember), during COVID I finally took the plunge and learned how too sail. I did a 2 charters a year since then loved it (French Polynesia, USVI, BVI, San Diego/Catalina Island). I chartered a boat in SF bay at least once a month to gain experience.
Over the past year, my partner and I broke up. I got laid off from my job. I took a sailing class and there was this guy that was 78 and told us how he’d dreamt his whole life about living on a boat and sailing around, but life always got in the way and now he’s too old to do it.
I said “f&$* it, let’s go”. I could financially afford to not work for a year, I could afford a boat. I was going to take this year and sail The Bahamas, figure out what’s next for a job (I was burnt out anyway), see if I actually enjoyed this life instead of just spending ever day dreaming about it.
Everyone said the first year is the hardest. But honestly it’s been 3 months since moved aboard and I’m done. I just sit here every day wanting to go back home to San Francisco. I sit here and cry because I’m so lonely. The daily stresses are too much for me to handle alone right now.
I just want to go out to a nice restaurant. I want to spend a night out with my friends. I want to go see a movie. I want to go back to the gym. I want to be able to go to a grocery store whenever I want and not have to plan it out a week in advance.
I try and post happy stories on instagram and stuff and everyone is replying saying stuff like “omg, what an amazing life” or “you’re living the dream”. But, I never wanted to do this alone, I always said that I wanted to do this with a partner. And I feel like if I HAD someone here with me, it would be totally different experience.
It’s a nightmare for me. I hate being here, I hate being alone. I feel like a failure. But I don’t know what will actually make me happy any more. I question all my decisions and I don’t know what I should do next. I don’t know if going back to SF is the right decision, I don’t know if I should keep the boat or sell it.
I just feel so lost in life right now and not sure how to proceed with things.