Why couldn’t we have made it work

Today is kinda a downer day, I am so unmotivated to do anything at all.

Last night I met this guy for dinner who’s interested in playing tennis. He was super gay, but it would be nice to have someone my level to play with. Since Charles always said I wasn’t good enough for him.

Tonight I am meeting up with this guy Peter. He is driving down from Sacramento to have a date. He looks cute in his pics, but I think he’s going to be a bit overweight.

Like I said, I just keep waiting for Charles to text me. “I miss you”; “Let’s hang out”; “I want you back”. But it’ll probably not happen this time. It’s already happened twice before, the chances of a third time are slim.

But I read these people’s posts on reddit. “my boyfriend of 11 years has been cheating on me”; “My husband gave me HIV”; “blah blah blah my boyfriend sucks” but they all want to work it out.

Charles and I were great, as much as I complained on here, he was a good boyfriend. He just needed to appreciate me more, he just needed to SHOW me that he loved me, communicate with me. These are small things in the grand scheme of shit. Why couldn’t WE have worked it out. Why couldn’t HE see what he is losing or missing in my and WANT to work it out.

I am a great boyfriend, I am loving, I am kind, I am exciting. I love to love. Why can’t he see that and just give it back to me. Why can’t he just say “I’m losing so much, let’s work to make this work”.