Leave GT for the last time and starting my trek back home to the US… It’s kind of bitter sweet, when I left Charleston, I called my ex and was crying questioning why the fuck I was doing this. Why I wanted to go.
I’ve spent the last 5 months here in THE BAHAMAS, every day wishing to go back home. Go back to my apartment in SF, seeing my friends again, going out to dinner. Thankfully I’ve had some amazing friends come and visit, I’ve met some great people here. But I’ve still just wanted to go home, go back to our apartment. There have been times that I felt like a complete failure here, asking myself wtf did you get into…
I hate that I feel like I am missing out on parts of life, friends, dating, concerts, etc. But I’m here in THE BAHAMAS living an amazing life. Everyone says “you’re living the best life” or “you’re living a dream life”. But at times, I feel like I’m stuck, like I’ve messed up majorly in deciding to do this. A big part of why I decided to come here was to figure out what I wanted in life.. This was a dream of mine but I always said I would only do it with a partner, but alas here I am doing it alone.
And it’s lonely, beautiful but lonely. It sad looking at my friends instagrams, posting food pictures, going out, hanging out with each other. Watching my ex move on and find new love. I feel as though the longer I’m here, the more my friends forget me.
In the end, I’m still just as confused about what I’m doing today as I was when I left Charleston all those months ago… I arrive back in the USA on Apr 7th and what do I do after that. Do I keep the boat, do I sell, do I go to the med, do I spend the summer on the east coast, do I go back to the carribean next fall? What about dating, work, astra, so many unknowns and so many questions still left un-answered.
I can’t wait to get home and get back to land for a little bit but now that I’m leaving, I don’t want to go.
No matter what I do once I get back to America, I’ve accomplished something amazing. I took the risk, I learned a lot about myself and I have some great memories for the rest of my life.