That’s what I tell everyone right now when they ask “How is The Bahamas?”… It’s lonely, but beautiful.
I’ve learned that this lifestyle, at least alone, is not for me. Being alone all day, not having anyone to hang out with, talk too, etc. It’s not what I want. In fact, I never WANTED to do this alone, I’ve said that a million times before. But I did it this year cause I felt it was time to just go.
I arrived in Bimini just over a week ago. Spent a while there while waiting for the weather to change… Was at this nice anchorage called “Gun Cay”. The water was crystal clear, there were sharks and rays. I saw a grouper and lots of other little fish. Did some snorkeling every day, walked astra on the beach. There was this lighthouse that I wanted to hike too but never did figure out HOW to get there.
On Friday the forecast said that I should have some light winds that I could at least sail in. So we decided to leave.. Ended up never getting those winds and just motored the whole way to Great Harbor (Berry Islands). It was 17 hours straight of motoring, long boring, flat waters. The waters were again, crystal clear and beautiful. But on that long trip, I just was constantly worried about stuff. Like “what’s that sound, is the engine OK” or constantly looking at the charts and wondering, “can I cut early and get some wind. But there’s these rocks it says, how deep are the rocks”. Just stuff like that.
Spent most of the time reading books and watching movies I had downloaded. Got to the anchorage about 1am. Set the anchor which went much smoother then I expected. Every time I have to set anchor I am still so nervous about it. AM I getting to close to shore, am I getting too close to other boats, is there enough room to swing around, is the water too shallow, will the anchor hold. About 30 minutes before we get here, I can feel my adrenaline kick in, my heart starts beating hard. Hopefully it will get easier. It also doesn’t help that my low water alarm goes off constantly at like 5′. I found out that I can get down to about 3′ before I really need to worry.
I’m going to be stuck here in Great Harbor for a while. I’m debating how long to stay. I need to get to Nassau by Christmas to pick up my parents. As I sit here writing this, there’s a big black cloud on the horizon and I’m debating if it’ll be safe to take astra to shore for her potty or is this rain going to move in and strand us. There’s just so many little things like that that are nerve wracking on this trip. So many variables I always need to be conscious of. The wind, the rain, the waves, am I on the lee side of the island, am I in the right spot, etc etc.
I met this family the other day. It was refreshing to hear some of their story. They too were just starting this journey. Had just moved on board, were still learning and figuring things out. They had left Miami and it took them 18hours to get to Bimini. They were on the way to George Town.
I wish that I had a partner here to help take off some of those worries, to help think about things like the weather. So that all the pressure wasn’t on me all the time. To help bow watch while I drive. To go snorkeling with so that I feel safer in the water.
But this is a good way for me to build my confidence, to re-learn to trust myself and my decisions in life.
Thanksgiving was sad. Again, all alone. Kellie and Charles both chatted with me that day which was nice. Lots of other friends texted but few called. Maybe I need to start being more aggressive and just call people and talk to them. I’ve also resigned the idea that Charles will ever come visit the boat. There’s just no way it’s going to happen.
And of course, couldn’t get away from a post without a talk of boys. I’ve been chatting/video calling this guy in the Philippines for a few weeks now. We talk every day, video call and chit-chat. He’s fucking sexy AF and has 40k+ followers on instagram. I don’t get why he’s talking to me. But whatever. Just enjoying the moment.
Ok. I have to go walk astra, she’s starting to be bitchy. lol.