We just got back from a trip to NYC. It was a lot of fun but very expensive. We had two major fights.
Things since my last post have been OK. “someone” texted serge about my blog. He read it then sent me a text demanding to be removed, so I just made everything private for now. He hasn’t texted or replied to me since. I haven’t spoken to Charles in a while, which is fine. I still have these hopes that he will call and say he “wants to talk” or wants to hang out or something. But at this point, what’s the point?
Things with Kellie have been generally really good. We have been getting along a lot better over the past few weeks, we’ve ironed out a lot of kinks, etc.
We got to NYC and had to just hit the ground running.. Didn’t stop until we left. It was an exhausting trip. Saturday night we went out with Darin and his friend John. We did K and all ended up making out in the club. It was pretty hot. I wish MORE had happened. I’ve always wanted to fuck Darin. I was super nervous meeting him again after so long and how we ended things previously. But it went really well.
Sunday we got up and walked around, sightseeing, etc. It was raining so not the best day. We saw the final performance of Sweeney Todd which was amazing.
That night we went out to the Eagle and picked up this guy. Brought him back to our place and had a threesome. While the guy was fucking me, I was laying in Kellie’s lap, Kellie was making out with the guy. We switched to doggie and the guy was fucking me, I was sucking kellie off, ect.
Then we switched and the guy started fucking Kellie. I was completely iced out at that point and ended up jerking off on the edge of the bed. This really pissed me off. THEN Kellie invited him to spend the night! WTF. Without even asking me.
The whole night I was just laying there in bed repeating “Would you please leave now” in my mind, but I didn’t know how to bring it up in person. I was fucking livid. Kellie and I talked about it in the morning and he said sorry, but I was just so fucking pissed about it.
Monday we got up and did some more sightseeing, 9/11 memorial, other stuff like that. We got to bed early “around 1am”. But I don’t even remember what we were doing out that late.
Tuesday was the last day, went to the met and hooked up with this guy there. Spent the day with him then went and saw Water For Elephants which was dumb, but also made me cry.
It made me cry because I was thinking about Jerry and just getting older and not completing life tasks and taking things and getting them done. Just wasting my life sitting here. “working” etc.
We went back to the hotel after that, got dinner on the way and Kellie kept pushing to meet up with this guy who was close to our hotel. But I said no cause it was already too late and I just wanted to go to bed since we had to get up at 3am to get to the airport.
Flight home was fine. But then the drive home was when shit really went down. We were going to stop and get coffee and kellie told me this story about how he had a date at the Applebees next door. He said ‘I’m not really talking to him any more” and I said “I should hope not”. Then he made some snarky ass comment about “well, I’m not the one who holds onto ex’s and talks to all my hookups still” which just really pissed me off.
I asked him to delete grindr multiple times cause it was on his phone from the trip. He said he would do it once he got home cause he wanted to “block” all the people we talked too. I asked him to just do it while we were driving home and he said “I feel like I’m not trusted”. No, I just flat out don’t want you on grindr at home, alone. PERIOD. This is what really started the whole fucking argument and we were basically screaming at each other.
We got to his house and he wouldn’t even invite me in because his brother might be there. so we sat in the truck arguing. it got to the point where we were both just so pissed off that he got out of the car and just left. I drove off.
When I got home we texted a little bit. But honestly I’m still not really 100% over it yet. I’m still pissed about the threesome thing, I’m still annoyed about the grindr thing.
I dunno, am I holding on to it too much? I Dunno.
Things with Deb are also not going well. They found a lump in her breast, they found out it’s some crazy form of cancer that only 2 people have had since the 1970’s. The lump has double in size in two weeks. So that’s hella scary.
She keeps sending out these texts that are so positive and saying shit like “please bring humor to the table” but like, what humor is there to bring? It’s clear to everyone she’s dying. It’s just a question of how much longer.