Dating an OVER Anxious Person

If Charles thought that I was anxious, boy has he not met a truly anxious person!

Spent this past weekend with Kellie which was 95% good. We had fun, we did some stuff. Did pottery class which was fun. I’m a natural apparently 😉

It was a very domestic weekend and was nice to have that. I ended up not going to the birthday party. Charles and I had a talk on Friday and it just kinda pissed me off. At one point he said something like “some things just never change” and he was right. Some things just never change. He doesn’t reply to texts, doesn’t follow through with what he says he will do and I get annoyed by it. So what’s the point. Also, I just don’t think that I could have been around Don and Eric for that long.

I found out that Charles planned himself a SECOND birthday dinner for Monday night. And that kinda just made me feel like shit. Here he is able to plan HIMSELF two whole birthday parties but when it came to me, he couldn’t even be bothered to take the day off, much less PLAN something. So I called Jay and he and I talked then ended up going to lunch which ended up getting drunk for the afternoon. Blah blah blah. Lots of stuff.

So yeah, Weekend with Kellie was good. There was ONE thing where one of my friends RANDOMLY texted me (no context, nothing) “How is Charles’ dick?”. And Kellie just HAPPENED to be holding my phone at the time, so he got kinda annoyed by that. Understandable. But it was a bit MORE of a response then really should have happened. IE he just wouldn’t drop it when I told him. “I don’t know why my friend is asking me this” and “NO we haven’t been talking about Charles’ dick before”.

So yeah, overall good weekend with Kellie

Then, I came home back to Concord on Tuesday…. Tuesday night we talked and something stupid came up, we got into a little argument and he was like “ok, let’s hang up and start this over”. So we hung up and started it over and we were just talking about random stuff. He mentioned he had gone to CVS and bought toothpaste and floss and what not. I asked him “Oh, how often do you floss” or something along those lines. Which he just immediately took as “oh, you’re saying my breath stinks”. It just escalated to a point where I was hella annoyed.

Wednesday night. I had a splitting headache and was going to go to bed at 8:30pm. So I called him just to say goodnight. But my friend Glenn called a bit before that and said he was going to Vegas the last weekend in March asking me if I wanted to go. I cannot go because I’m in San Diego that same weekend.

But. It’s just funny and such a coincidence that Charles is also going to be in Vegas that same weekend. I mentioned this to Kellie and he got all pissed off because I knew that Charles was going to be there and that I “remember” this kind of stuff about him and blah blah blah blah. And then started asking all these questions about how often I talk to him Ugh. I just got so annoyed. I am so sick of just LITTLE ass shit that I mention setting him off.

His argument is “what am I not allowed to react” and honestly, yes you can REACT to things that are fucking IMPORTANT. But me remembering that Charles is going to Vegas for a weekend IS NOT SOMETHING THAT REQUIRED ANY REACTION AT ALL. I remember he was going because when I asked him if he could watch astra, he said “No, I’m going to be in Vegas” so it’s not that fucking hard for me to remember something like that. But then Kellie was all “Well why do you have to remember that”. WHY? I don’t CHOOSE what I remember, I just REMEMBER.

I finally had it, we keep having these small ass arguments over some TINY thing that I said. Still while writing this, I question what on EARTH in his mind set him off to be upset because I remembered that my ex was going to a certain place on a specific weekend. Why does that even matter?

I told him, Kellie, I cannot do this, I cannot keep having these arguments over some stupid thing that I say. I cannot be filtering everything I say. So I hung up.

Then he posted some passive aggressive BS to instagram which says: “Every time I addressed something that bothered me, I became the problem”.

He texted me at like 1am saying “I’m sorry”. We talked a little bit this morning he says sorry, he is working on it. But honesty if this keeps up, I cannot.

He brought up the fact that “oh you let Charles get away with so much while you were together but every little thing I do annoys you”. NO, it’s that every little thing _I_ say sets you off and instantly changes your mood. Which then impacts ME and how I feel.

It’s just FRUSTRATING. We’re only 3 months into dating. We’re not even OFFICIAl boyfriends yet. We’re just fucking “exclusive” and there should not be this MANY problems already. There should not be this many arguments, discussions, etc. I should be able to be free to talk about things, have my feelings, remember shit.

I am honestly a bit jealous of what Charles is doing with his boys. He’s got the best of both worlds. He’s basically dating Don, but he’s also still fucking boys on grindr.

Speaking of, I saw one of his cousin’s instagram stories from his Monday Birthday, Don looks like me. It really bothered me that he’s already introducing this guy to his family and seeing him sit next to Charles. Ugh. It was tough. It did really convince me that I did the right thing by not going on Saturday. If just seeing a STORY upset me that much, imagine seeing him in PERSON.

Anyway, long enough post. Things with Kellie are rocky… We shall see what becomes of that.