Two years ago today:
I still am down about all that honestly. I know I said I won’t write more about him but, I still miss him. I still think about him every day. I still want to see his face popup with a random phone call just to chat. I still think about all those times and everything that happened between us. How it felt so perfect, how it felt things were finally moving forward an then in 24 hours, it all changed.
And I still feel that way. He’s put me through so much emotional pain. So much grief, so much sadness, so much heartbreak.
I just went grocery shopping and started to cry in the store. It’s been two months since we moved out. Probably 2.5 since we went grocery shopping together last. Yet he still impacts me in the smallest weirdest ways sometimes.
I still have a small hope every day that he will popup and say “Hey”. Or he will see a story I post and reply to it. Like he did two years ago when I went out with Cody and he said “TFTI”. On the other hand, I finally removed his access to my electronic door lock, locking him out of my life.
I’m trying to focus on making more friends but these friends keep pushing my boundaries. Tennis buddy and Gym buddy both text me shit like “I miss you”. Gym buddy keeps sending me stuff where I think he’s just trying to make me jealous about guys he’s meeting up with. Tennis buddy and I kinda had a fight last night cause he kept pushing the “miss you” thing. He flat out asked me if I missed him and I said no. Like I don’t miss you. We play tennis once a week, we don’t chat in between. What exactly is there to miss, we barely know each other. I’ve been clear from the start that I just want to play tennis. I just want to be friends.
Am I cold hearted because I don’t “miss” them after not seeing them a few days? I don’t think so. I don’t miss my parents, I don’t miss other friends whom I’ve known for 10+ years (Sean, Mike, Hut, etc) or people I know. Who DO I miss? My grandma, Calvin, Charles, Astra.
i miss my grandma too