Down Day…

This week started out great, Monday I was feeling happy and having a good time. Tuesday I went out to play tennis, I’m getting better.

Today, for some reason I am just sad. I woke up around 3am, thinking about him of course. Wondering if he still thinks about me. Does he still have down days, is he still sad sometimes? Does he check my instagram to look at our old posts. Does he look at our old photos.

I’m at work, my eyes have been teary most of the day.

I check instagram constantly, to see if he posts a story, a note, anything. He posted on Monday a song. “Dazed and Confused” – Ruel. What’s the meaning, who’s it aimed at? Probably Alex.

I wonder when/if I’ll see him again. I wonder how that interaction will go. He’s supposed to watch astra next week. How do I hand over the keys? I’m probably just going to leave the keys in the mailbox and tell him they are there…

I miss him, but he’s a terrible BF. I love him, but he couldn’t treat me right. I want him back, but he needs to be better. I want to forget him, but I cannot.

I’m sure he’s already forgotten, moved on. He’s stuck on Alex now, flirting, chatting, having a good time. He’s smiling at work. I don’t cross his mind. He doesn’t go to our texts and start to write something and then delete it.

I have boys chasing me, but I cannot give them anything right now. I’m still stuck on him.

I have a hangout tonight, I’m debating just cancelling but he and I have been talking for weeks and finally meeting up.

I have a hangout with Pete on Friday and I have a hangout with Matty on Saturday, but I don’t even know what the point is.

Maybe I’m the one who just needs to be alone right now. Maybe I’m the one who needs to go find myself, run away. I’ve spent the entire day looking at boats to buy. Thinking to myself, maybe if I just buy it, get away, someone will come to me, somewhere.