Trying to stay busy

So I’ve just spent the last week trying to stay super busy.
Monday Charles and I met up to return the house keys to the apartment. It was awk but not as sad as I thought it would be. I thought there’d be a lot of crying but I think that we both had just cried enough the past month that it was over.

I hit the gym every day this week which was good. I am going to try and go again this morning before Corgi-Con.

Wed I went on a date with this guy Bruce. He was cute and super nice but he was telling me all about his divorce and his ex-husband the entire time. Basically the exact same patterns as Charles and myself. Even down to the laundry fight. It was really weird but really made me realize that no matter what I had done, nothing would have made charles and I work unless he realized what was also wrong and was willing to work on it. I think that now he’s truly working on it (I hope). But even though I love him a lot still, I am realizing he is just not the right guy for me. I still think about him constantly, wonder where he’s at, what he’s doing. But I’m making progress.

Also, bruce hasn’t replied to any messages since wed. So I’m assuming he wasn’t interested.

Thursday I went to powerhouse with this guy Hugo. It was pretty dead but there were some HOT guys in underwear. I had worn just a jock strap, but I felt awk taking my pants off and wearing just that.

Friday I went sailing and had a really nice day and then went over to jay and James house for dinner. It was good to see them and not talk about all the drama, Charles, etc. Just be friends and hang out. I really enjoy them and time with them but I do feel sometimes that I”m a bit boring. I dunno. Maybe it’s just all in my head

Last night I had some really fucked up dreams about Charles. At one point we were both staying in some weird asian woman’s house. For some reason I was hiding in a box/freezer or something. Charles found me, covered his dick in ketchup and then put it in the box for me to suck. So weird. Another dream I had was that I had bought him a pastry of some sort, but I ended up eating it before I got to him. He’s just constantly on my mind but I need to get over it.