The four horsemen

So, on Monday I asked Charles to setup a couples therapy session to discuss if there was anyway to salvage things. I told him “to talk everything out”. He apparently interpreted that as “to finalize things”.

He setup the session and we were sitting there waiting for it to start and he was talking to me about the roommates he’s apparently been meeting. I was confused and hurt that he was doing this when we still had to talk to this guy about trying to salvage things.

Anyway we got in the call and it was intense. A lot of stuff got brought up, the dishes, the laundry. And his therapist kinda took his side on a few things which I didn’t like at all. A therapist should be non-partial and he shouldn’t be taking sides.

He brought up these “Four Horsemen” of a failed relationship. They are: Stonewalling, Defensiveness, Criticism, contempt. The therapist said we have all four of them. Charles Stonewalls and has major contempt.. I have criticism and we both have Defensiveness.

I dunno, I want to fix things. But only if he’s willing to put 110% into things again. When we were dating, he admitted he put 110% in, but then I feel like once we got together he started only giving 40%.

After therapy, he basically did exactly what the therapist just pointed out. Stonewalled, stayed silent. He went and met Eric and didn’t come home until after midnight.

Anyway. We are going to have brunch and figure things out… If he wants to try or not.

I keep reading past posts and it’s like “WTF am I doing here, why am I staying” but then I also just CANNOT give it up. Why?!