OscarEds1984: wHERE ARE YOU?
Auto response from BlackC 2004: Wishing love
didn't hurt so much.
OscarEds1984: oH, i SEE.
BlackC 2004: Does someone have the caps lock key
on?
OscarEds1984: sOMEONE DOES, SO THERE. : )
OscarEds1984: There thats much better!
BlackC 2004: Dork
BlackC 2004: lol
OscarEds1984: lol So what' wrong?
BlackC 2004: I just don't know what to think right
now.
OscarEds1984: I know, I want to talk to you about
somthing. I know that I'm bi, and that's it. But just
b/c I know what my sexuality is, thats not a reason
to date. I want to take a break from dating in
general for a while. The last few attempts didn't
work out real well, so I've decided to just be
friends with people. I've finally realized that just
b/c I like someone doesn't mean I have to date
them. Don't take anything I say or do personally, I
have just had a lot of relelations latley and I think I
know what I need t
OscarEds1984: ...revelations latley and I think I
know what I need to do
BlackC 2004: Yeah, but still, you said you broke it
off cause it felt "wierd" not becuase of the reason
you just gave. So this is getting a bit confusing.
OscarEds1984: It was wierd what we did, so I
didn't know if I wantde to continue dating you. It
wasn't fair for me to question the relationship and
not tell you and keep you in the middle of all my
indesisivness. I know now that you felt much
stronger than I did about everything and I felt
really bad about that. I was confused about my
sexuality like the day of, the next day I said," Fuck
it, I'm bi and thats all there is to it." I thought you
knew that, I mean I make comments about guys all
the time. After breking it of
OscarEds1984: off with you I did a lot of thinking
about our relationship as well as my past ones and I
decided that dating doesn't seem to work for me
and that maybe I should just hold off on it for a
while and make the desision to date somone a
desision with a lot of thought behind it, rather than
a rash desision.
BlackC 2004: Fine, I just wish that I would have
been informed of this in a way other then the way
that I was.
OscarEds1984: This choice is one I made after
considering the past as well, so it wasn't centered
on you so I don't you to be upstet.
BlackC 2004: Can I ask what made you come to
this decision?>
OscarEds1984: This whole thing was more horrible
for you than it was for me b/c you were at a bad
vantage point and you were the victim and I don't
want to victimize anyone, really. I feel awfull about
what I've put you through, but it wasn't b/c I want
you to suffer. It was just that you were there at the
wrong place wrong time.
OscarEds1984: I have a tendance to just go out
with someone just b/c we like eachother, that's ok
in middle school when realtionships aren't serious
matters. Now I think I have matured past that stage
since my last realationship and just didn't know it. I
mean, we barly knew eachother when we started
going out and that was a bad idea, I don't think we
should have jumped into that so quickly, especially
since this was our first guy/guy realtionship. I'm
way not used to this and I didn't know how to
respond. I've dated bef
OscarEds1984: before but this was completly new
territory that I didn't know how to navigate.
OscarEds1984: So basically before I date
someone I should really think about it and make
sure it's the right thing to do.
BlackC 2004: I totally agree with you that we
moved to fast and that we barley knew each other
when we started, but i don't really think that's a
reason to suddenly end it. It is new territory and
it's new to me too. But I thought that we were
getting along well and our relationship was slowly
but surely evolving in a better way and in a good
direction. Sure what happened saturday was way to
soon for that to have happened, but still. It was
great while it lasted I guess.
OscarEds1984: I know that you were on the right
road, but I just don't think I was. I don't want to
hurt you when I say this, buit I don't think I felt as
strongly for you, as you did for me. That always
makes for a hard situation, and thats why this isn't
getting better very quick.
BlackC 2004: Yeah. Well no offense to you, but in
the long run, I don't think we would have ever
worked, we're just to different. But it was nice to
have someone like you to be my first.
BlackC 2004: Time Takes All But Memories....
OscarEds1984: I totally agree, we are very
different. But I also agree, I'm glad my firsts were
with someone who I care for very much, and is one
of my very best friends.
OscarEds1984: Nothing will change that, Chris,
nothing. I'm not going anywhere, so don't worry.
OscarEds1984: Are you ok?
BlackC 2004: I still wish though that we would
have had more time to follow that road we were on
and see where it would have lead us too.
BlackC 2004: No, I'm not ok
BlackC 2004: But I will be.
OscarEds1984: I think it's better that we ended it
now, and not waited. It would ahve been much
harder to go through this if we had waited,
OscarEds1984: What do you mean you're not ok?
BlackC 2004: Yeah, but still, Don't you have that
urge to look down the road and see where it's going
before your exit?
BlackC 2004: I'm just not ok.
OscarEds1984: I want you to be.
BlackC 2004: I will be. I just need to deal with it
in my own way and stop having wierd things thrown
at me.
OscarEds1984: Do feel any better now that we've
got a little more out on the table?
BlackC 2004: A little, I know more about how you
feel, and you know more about how I feel, but I
still feel vulnerable.
OscarEds1984: That's understandable.
BlackC 2004: I'm still going to have my good days,
like yesterday, and my bad days, like this
afternoon. But I'll be happier in the long run, and
we'll become closer friends in the long run as well.
OscarEds1984: I haven't taken an exit on the
road. I've merly taken a detour to a different
destination. It's you're choice to follow me.
BlackC 2004: I'll eventualy follow, but I'm still
stuck at that detour sign, deciding if I want to go
that way, or take another road to get to the same
spot.
OscarEds1984: But as long as we meet up
somewhere down the road, that's whats important.
BlackC 2004: True, true.
OscarEds1984: Just don;t too long a route. You
might get lost.
OscarEds1984: And avoid road work
BlackC 2004: lol.
OscarEds1984: Don't speed the cops are demons.
OscarEds1984: And remeber , 2nd Ave is closed.
BlackC 2004: You're so adorable.
OscarEds1984: Yeah yeah. : )
OscarEds1984: I'll have to stop doing that.
BlackC 2004: No, no.
OscarEds1984: Guess who found the cigs...
BlackC 2004: Which ones?
BlackC 2004: Angies?
OscarEds1984: Derrick...whew! He was freaked
and she told him they were Nicoles and he was was
like oh ok.
OscarEds1984: No prolems for Angel!
BlackC 2004: Whew for her.
BlackC 2004: Lucky he didn't tell her mum.
OscarEds1984: No shit even I was freaking!
BlackC 2004: Yeah
OscarEds1984: Hey I gotta go mow, if I even
wanna think about going anywhere tonight.
BlackC 2004: lol
OscarEds1984: TTYL ok? Bye!
BlackC 2004: Well have fun with that, Cause I
_CAN'T_ go anywhere tonight
BlackC 2004: Bubye ::hugs::
OscarEds1984: Hug That sucks do you wann go
to the gay meeting tomorrow?
BlackC 2004: Very Much So
OscarEds1984: Ok I'll call you.
BlackC 2004: Okies
OscarEds1984: Bye!
BlackC 2004: Laters
OscarEds1984 signed off at 7:51:25 PM.