I’m insane

So, I’m totally crazy. About one week ago I was browsing reddit and this cute asian boy posted this adorable photo of him in the bathtub. I commented something like “can I join” and he said “Sure, come on over”. We started messaging on reddit’s chat system and then he asked me for pics. I have a few posted on reddit but decided to just give him my instagram. we ended up spending the rest of the day chatting non-stop there, he lives in HAWAII.

That evening he mentioned he was going to be in Vegas for Memorial day weekend and said “You should come”. We switched to texting and texted some more. Tickets were only $200, so I bought them anyway. That evening I posted on reddit this thread: Am I Insane. Everyone said to just go.

We have been chatting NON STOP since then. Like NON STOP. So I’m gonna go to Vegas and meet him.

HIV+ Filipino boy and I are barely chatting. Dunno what’s up with him.

ZenDesk is finally back from his trip. He and I have been chatting daily still he sends me cute selfies, but he friend zoned me. I’m so confused about what’s happening there.

Wings has been posting a lot of cute selfies. Too bad he was such a crazy person.

That’s about it. I’m excited to meet Hawaii boy….

“I Have Issues”

Apparently the new “excuse” is “I have trust issues” or “I have abandonment” issues. I’ve heard this excuse like 4-5 times in the past couple weeks. I just don’t get it. Why are you even on a dating app if you have “abandonment” issues.

So, HIV+ Filipino boy, we were texting and last Sunday I texted him about something and he replied with “Ok, have a nice day, I’ll talk to you later.” Which to me means he’s just brushing me off and not wanting to talk. So I just left that, then a few days ago he texts me. We talk a bit then decide to hang out. Last night he comes over and we hang out a bit. He says he has “trust” issues and blah blah blah. He’s not used to talking to someone every day. He said he Friend-zoned me. But yet he was sitting VERY close to me, etc. I feel like maybe this is part of the whole deal with social media these days, it connects you but disconnects you. You don’t actually TALK to people but you follow their lives, etc. At the end of last night he said something like “will I see you again”. I told him that he’s in the driver seat and he can decide what happens next but that yes. I would like to see him again. He’s very cute and very sweet. But again, am I really friend zoned or not? I don’t get it.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it or not but there’s this Chunky Army boy I hung out with once. He came over and we just cuddled and made out. He’s a nice guy, again lots of texting, etc. We made plans to start going to the gym together. Last Wed was supposed to be our first gym night. So I texted him the day before to confirm and he also used the whole “I have abandonment issues”. We haven’t spoken since.

Then there’s this guy in Fairfield that I was supposed to hang out with. Before we EVEN HUNG OUT he backed out saying he needs to “work on myself first”. WTF So annoying.

ZenDesk and I are still chatting nearly every day. He’s been in Australia the past week and now he’s in Singapore. So we don’t talk a lot cause the time differences but we still message. I wish he would message more. But I dunno. I really want to ask him why he friend-zoned me but I dunno how to bring it up.

Hung out with the 22year old black boy again. He’s super cute but again I just don’t know what we would have in common.

Not much else has been going on. I have been working on my bed frame, trying to go the gym as much as I can, etc.

Going to Costa Rica in November with the same gang I went to Japan with last November. I’m trying to talk ZenDesk into going with me.

I started following Wings again on instagram. He’s so cute.

Disrespected at work

I think this post is going to be a lot about work. I feel incredibly disrespected lately and last Thursday was just a shit load of crap that happened all at once.

First, I got this call from one of our VPs. He said “I’m at Verizon and I need the porting pin for our account”. Umm, excuse me!? I know you’re a fucking VP but who authorized you to go to Verizon and setup a new account? I sort of got headed with him because he kept saying “Well CEO and CFO approved it, if they didn’t tell you then you just need to talk to your boss”. Excuse me, no YOU need to talk to ME first before you just go around me and make decisions with my boss. His office is LITERALLY 5 feet from me. Never ONCE did he pop in and say “Hey, I’m thinking about/wanting to do X, can you help”. At one point during the conversation he even said “Look I didn’t go around you or anything”. THAT IS EXACTLY what you did. You went directly to MY BOSS instead of coming to me even once. Fucking asshole.

Second, there’s this guy I’ve been trying to have a meeting with at work. He keeps skipping meetings that I setup for him, he emails to tell me “I’ll be in BE on X day, I’ll come see you.” He never does. So on Thursday he emails me and says “I’ll be in BE tomorrow, can we meet”. I replied to him and said “I’m going to be on vacation tomorrow” he replies with “Sounds about right.” Now, this isn’t an isolated event and it really upsets me. Every time I go on vacation there’s a few people who say things like “must be nice” or “you’re always on vacation do you even work” etc etc. I work 6 days a week for this company. Sometimes 7. I worked 20 days in a row one month. ON MY VACATIONS I work 2-4 hours a day replying to emails, fixing things, etc. It’s very disrespectful that I can’t TAKE A VACATION without someone saying something snarky. I haven’t taken a vacation where I completely disconnect in years.

Lastly, our one of our marketing people left the company last week. I was in his office trying to help him an out of office reply for our general company emails that he replies too. For some reason something kept going to JUNK mail and I was trying to help him. On my OUTLOOK there’s a ribbon bar option that says “Junk” on his, it was missing and I couldn’t find where to manage the Junk mail settings. I said out loud a couple times “I just don’t understand why it’s not there on your outlook”. At one point the marketing manager chimes in with some snarky ass unhelpful comment. I had had enough. I just said “I don’t need this shit right now” and left… she’s always got a fucking attitude with me.

I’ve just had it with this company. For some reason I’m perceived as an asshole but yet all these other people disrespect me, go around me, etc. I might not be the MOST FRIENDLY person around but if you ask me nicely (IE don’t demand things or say shit like “Fix this ASAP”) I will do my best and go out of my way to get things resolved for you as quickly as possible.

In boy news, ZenDesk and I chatted every day since the last post. He invited me to hang out with him on Saturday. I went to his house after camping and we just hung out, went through his stuff and threw stuff away. Drank some wine, talked, watched a TV show. It was super nice. I really like him and wish we could do more than just friends. But he friend-zoned me and I will try to keep myself there in that place mentally.. On Sunday he was texting me pics of him planning his trip, stuff like that. Then MIA. I don’t get it. His weird MIA things. But whatever. He leaves on the 2nd for a month long trip.

The HIV+ Filipino boy and I hung out again. It was very awk. Then yesterday I was texting him and at 2pm he was like “Alright chris! You enjoy rest of the day” just sort of ending the conversation. I bet you I’ll never hear from him again.

I was snooping through facebook and found this cute climber guy I had a crush on years ago. He posted pics of him and his BF. He’s super cute, his bf ugly. WTF. Same with this other guy I used to climb with and had a crush on. He’s SO CUTE but he’s dating this bald fat white guy. I mean I know looks isn’t everything but I feel that I’m very caring, have a good personality and am WAY CUTER then those guys. But yet I can’t seem to get or KEEP a bf.

Speaking of climbing, there’s apparently a Flame N Flash event coming up next week.. I’m debating about going but at the same time I don’t know how I feel about seeing those old climbing guys again. After the fact that I’ve been here 2 years and not one of them has gotten back to me about hanging out or anything. Do I care or even try to see them? Will it be awkward if I go?

Humberto and I were talking this past weekend and he randomly brought up my MagicMirror and how when he was over he saw that I had “Date with Matt” in my calendar. I’m not exactly sure what the point was of randomly bringing this up NOW or if he was being serious but he said it factored into his decision to not date me… Ugh.

I have a couple more business ideas and I really want to buy another house. But I just can’t afford it. I need investors.

Guys with BFs

Construction guy has fallen off out of no where again. I sort of figured based on his last communication that it was more about making himself feel better than about actually reconnecting. I didn’t put much effort back into it TBH, but I sent him some messages about my project I’ve been working on and haven’t heard from him since. So whatever.

I talked to my therapist about ZenDesk, she and I came up with three options. 1) Just ignore him and move on, 2) send him a nice message about how I want to keep talking to him and be friends, 3) Send a nasty message. I went with option 2. I met Darin for dinner last Thursday night and he helped me put together a message. Actually, I wrote it and then he just cut things out. I sent that to ZenDesk that night and he replied right away and we were right back to where we were. He basically said “Sorry, work has been so busy”. Which as I’ve stated before that reply is TOTAL BS. Anyway, Thursday – Sunday was more of the same, good morning, good night, texting all day. Sunday he sent me a ton of pictures of him on a hike and Saturday he sent me a ton of pictures of him out wine tasting. Last night, he said goodnight at 10:30. This morning I texted him, and no reply again. Are we back to that already? I sort of suspect he has a BF?

This weekend, I met this super cute 22 year old black guy. I mean obviously nothing is going to happen there but that was fun. He kept telling me how handsome I was and actually complimented me on my pecs!

There have also been a few other randoms popping back up in my life from earlier in the year/last year now also wanting to hang out. It’s weird how things come back around or whatever.

Anyway, I hung out with Ralph and we were talking about guys, started going through the list of guys we know/have gone on dates with and there’s a few guys I’ve been on dates with that apparently are MARRIED/In LTR! WTF. I went on a couple dates with this guy Brian a few weeks ago. I found his instagram and come to find out, he has a fucking LTR! Why the fuck are you on Tinder, calling guys “cutie”, going to dinner/drinks, kissing them at the end of the night when you have a god damn boyfriend! I hate the gay culture. I get the whole “open relationship” thing but if you’re gonna be on Tinder/OkCupid, at least be HONEST that you’re in a relationship.

Taxes, Truck, Friend-zoned

I meant to come back and write after my last post but just never got around to it. Things have been busy.

This past week was a pretty normal week. I was supposed to have two dates one on Tuesday evening and one on Saturday. Both of them cancelled on me and haven’t heard from them since. Even though I texted both of them they never replied. Super annoying that guys do that shit.

Construction guy showed back up in my life with this long text about how it’s not what I have that will make us not work but what I don’t have. Blah blah blah. And he talked more about how if people don’t show enough interest he just lets things fade etc. Well, interest flows both ways and since that message, if I don’t message him first, I don’t hear from him. So IMHO, that message from him was more about getting shit off HIS mind and making it seem to himself like he wasn’t the one ending things.

Hey. I’ve been thinking about what you told me. I want touch bases because I don’t want you to think I’m just ignoring you after the fact. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve never dated anyone who is positive, so needless to say I don’t know what it entails. It would be ignorant of me to write someone off as it doesn’t bother me as it would some people. With that said, as I’ve mentioned, I am uncompromising when it comes to picking life partners…hence why I am still single. And often times, I don’t tell people this and if it doesn’t seem like they are making an effort, I just let it phase out. So, in regards to you and I…I am for ya continuing getting to know each other and see where that goes, because ultimately, it’s not what you have that would deter us, it would be what you DON’T have…and what that is, is the right personality, values and ethics that I am looking for.

The other big thing is ZenDesk. He and I had our second “date” or whatever yesterday. Up until Friday he and I were texting every day, doing good night and good morning again. Etc. Then Friday he went me this Meme about Game of Thrones around 1pm, I replied, no reply, I replied a few hours later, no reply. I sent him a goodnight message at 10pm. No reply… Don’t hear from him again until almost 6pm Saturday. At which point I was assuming he was ghosting me and was working on making other hiking plans with Darin. Anyway ZenDesk says he was out hiking all day Saturday which is all find and good, but seriously, no replies since Friday? WTF. Darin of course says “you’re not dating yet, so why do you expect a reply” which is TRUE. However we had plans and it’s common courtesy to reply….

Anyway, we met Sunday for lunch and then a hike and then beers. It was another great day and he’s SUPER cute but I feel he’s friend zoned me already. Like things he was talking about on the hike he said. At one point we were discussing going to Europe and he started telling me about how he had so much “Fun” last time and how we can share stories when we go together. He was checking out other guys blatantly while we were at the restaurant and there were just other indications. Also every time I try to flirt with him via text he just ignores it. Like last night he said he was watching a scary movie and he said that I should watch it. I replied and said “I’ll watch it if you cuddle with me”. His reply was “It’s a horrible movie”. Then I messaged him this morning and here it is 2 hours later and no reply yet.

I just don’t get it. What am I doing wrong.

I bought a new truck. Got the Ford Ranger which I’m super excited about. Now I just need to get my Torino and my Bronco down here so I can get them sold or whatever.

And lastly, fucking TAXES. I owe $24,000!!!! Every time I feel like I’m getting ahead in my life and getting some cash built up in my accounts, the fucking government comes and steals it all away.