So this past weekend I went camping… And I got robbed.

The weekend started out like shit anyway. I was stressed, Friday morning was super busy at work. I got home and was super bitchy with Apple, but thankfully he was calm about it. We left and the trip got better. Got to the camp site around 9:30 pm and went straight to bed. Sat we got up, went on a nice long hike. Ate dinner in town, went to the hot springs. As we were leaving the hot springs I noticed I had three missed calls from my security system. I check my cameras and sure enough we had been robbed.

Drove home and got here about 1:30am. They got a lot of stuff including Apples’ Car and my favorite gun. Which sucks.

We cleaned up, boarded up the window and then went to bed. Sunday Apple was super distant and has been ever since. It’s sort of frustrating. I don’t know what to do.

We have a good time for sure but we both get onto each others nerves somme times. I enjoy our time together but I just don’t know what’s going on TBH. Like we ACT like BF’s but he doesn’t want to be dating, so that just sort of adds stress to the situation.

Calvin messaged me after the break in too. Which was nice of him.

My Tinder Stats

So, recently I saw on reddit someone post their tinder stats. So I downloaded my data and analyized it. 57,000 swipes, only 1,000ish matches. WOW. What a waste of time

You can check out your stats here:

In other news, Apple and I have been hanging out a lot. Chatting every day, having lots of sex. But he only wants to be friends. I dunno. I mean it’s fine for now but I’m sure I’ll get attached. My biggest problem with him is he mansplains a lot, which I’m a pretty smart guy and he tries to tell me about shit I already know. It’s super frustrating sometimes.

He came up last weekend and helped me with my yard which was super nice of him.

I have a date tonight though with this guy but I feel like he’s going to flake on me. I really hope he doesn’t because we are going to this place called U Dessert in SF which looks amazing.

Tomorrow I am going to San Jose with Apple and we are going to do an official tour of Apple Park. I am also going to meet up with this guy Sam who I apparently used to climb with back in the day in LA but I honestly have zero memory of him. He’s _IN_ my phone book though so clearly we used to at least text or something.

Work has been super busy lately. We are finally moving forward with some projects so I have been busy working on those and doing coding and process stuff which I actually enjoy.

We had to do an “IT Survey” which has had some really annoying responses. But whatever. How about we do an ACCOUNTING SURVEY cause they fucking SUCK AT THIER JOBS.

Sunday I might meet up with this other guy but I don’t know. We will see. I’ve been super bummed lately after seeing JUST HOW BAD my tinder stats are. I really wish I had kept track of all the dates I got off that site and what happened with them.

Anyway, that was a quick update. I’m out.

HI and Apple

Hmm, so it’s been a bit since I updated but not much has really happened.

Update about HI guy, basically he’s out completely. I haven’t spoken to him in a couple weeks now. Right before July 4th he was pushing and pushing things and I kept telling him we just need to go slow and see what happens. Then on like July 3rd he was like “what if i just come there this weekend”. With a bunch of other stuff and I just had enough. I was going to give him a second chance but I told him we needed to be slow, just let things go and see what happens and he didn’t want to do that. So I stopped replying. He of course didn’t fucking send me my $800 for the flight to HI either.

The July 4th weekend trip was a ton of fun. Went with this guy who works at Apple, I don’t think I’ve mentioned him but we’ve hung out a few times and it always went well. We met up Wed afternoon and drove to Mendocino. Beautiful drive and good times. We got to the RV park and it was a mess, they packed people in SO CLOSELY. We got there kinda late so ended up just watching TV in the trailer. Also had sex.

The rest of the trip was just a normal trip, saw some stuff, camped, ate good food, more sex. He’s a nice guy but super unorganized and kinda dirty which is annoying for me. He also lacks common sense.

We talk every day though which is good. This past weekend I went to his place in SJ and it’s FILTHY. I honestly was super disgusted by it. Like even the light switches were dirty, dust bunnies everywhere, cat litter on the floor. The worst part about it was he said it’s “fine” he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Ugh.

Anyway we hung out this weekend and had a good time, very touchy-feely, etc. However he just got divorced and isn’t looking for a relationship but yet he treats me like we’re in a relationship. Constantly holding hands in public lots of sex, etc.

ZenDesk and I hung out Friday evening and we talked about his relationship as well. He’s in a sort of odd situation. Again though it’s annoying that he picked this guy in this super awk/weird situation over me. Like why was I the one who got friend-zoned right away. I don’t get it.

I matched with some super cute guy on tinder on Thursday. He leaves to move back to HK on Wed.

Other news the house is doing fine. I need to get some more yard work done though. Planning on spending this upcoming weekend on stuff there.

Same story, over and over

It seems to be the same thing over and over again with me. Find a guy, like a guy, something happens between us, shortly after they seem to have a husband/etc.

Now the latest is that apparently Wings is with someone. I don’t know exactly what’s going on as he has been messaging but being very vague about it. It’s just frustrating. Everyone is getting into relationships. I want one and can’t make anything work. I’m just giving up on it all. I haven’t been on dates in ages. I’ve stopped checking tinder/okcupid. I am just so over this BS.

Wings and I were talking and he said it’s because “You don’t want a [bf]. I bet so many guys want you.”

If that’s the case. WHERE ARE THEY? Yes HI guy wants me (for sure). I know there’s some other guys who have WANTED me but did I want them back? For various reasons, no.

Darin said that I hold onto regrets too much. Which is probably true. I hold on to too much I guess.

For instance, why can I not just go back 3 years and not fuck shit up with Calvin. Can’t I just go back to that trip to Vancouver Island and change it to be the way I had thought it would go. That was supposed to have been the trip that made us move to the next step (in my mind). But it went completely bonkers.

Why can’t I go back a year ago to Wings and not fuck it up with him. At the time I was so confused and pulled between him and Army. Army and I had already planned the Vietnam trip and Wings kept getting angry about it. Wanting me to cancel. Getting jealous. I wish I had just sat down and TALKED to him and tried to make it work. Tried to make him understand that even though I really did care about Army that I was dedicated to HIM!

Now with the HI guy thing, he lied to me about so much, but he kept apologizing and going on and on. I finally agreed to let him have a second chance. I don’t want to REGRET missing out on that again but I still feel like things aren’t progressing there. I can’t move on past the lies. I am trying but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to just JUMP back into being all kissy and lovey and what not.

Everything is just a mess… I’m also super annoyed about my house lately. It was supposed to be a quick buy, fix, flip and make some money to get a cuter/nicer smaller house. Well the market is flat and I’ve put WAY more money into this damn place then I wanted too. I stopped counting once it hit $100k. I’m sure it’s WAY more now. Like closer to $150k and I’ve barely even started the outside projects. I hate my job. Ugh.

I did the right thing

I have to keep telling myself over and over. I did the right thing.

I know I spend a lot of time on this blog talking and complaining about guys who dumped me and how much it hurts. Rarely, never, do I feel this pain when I was the one doing the dumping. But yet. I have to keep telling myself. I did the right thing.

I sit here in my hotel room, crying, thinking, wishing, dreaming about what it could have been. If only he had been honest from the start. If only he had told me the truth.

Why did he lie to me and about such stupid stuff. Why say you’re 29 when you’re 26? Why say you own the house when it’s your parents. Those things don’t EVEN MATTER. I WOULD HAVE STILL LIKED YOU FOR YOU!

My mind also goes, what else was he lying about. What other things did he tell me that are fake.

I sit here and wonder, why am I still single. Why did Calvin get a BF immediately after we broke up. Constantine, same thing. I’m sure there are others. Why does Patrick, Pasta, Tim, the list goes on . They are all bf’s or husbands. I am still single. What the fuck did I do. What is wrong with ME?! What am _I_ doing wrong in this world.

Zendesk even FINALLY admitted he has a bf! WTF.

I did the right thing… I did the RIGHT thing. I could never get past the lying. _WE_ could never recover.

And yet, It hurts. I did the right thing.