Japan Trip

Wow, what a whirl wind the past week has been.

So since the last post, USPS and I have been working out still, I feel like I’m not making any progress. We regressed right back into the cuddling and everything like two days after the last post. He drove me to the airport for my Japan trip and we held hands the whole way. He’s stopped sayin goodnight and good morning after I mentioned to him that I like that he does that. During this trip he’s been very quiet. Some days he’s chatty, other days he just says like one or two words.

I flew to Japan to meet up with Hut, Sean and Polly. It’s been an amazing trip. We have been to so many places that I just can’t even tell you everything. We started out about an hour outside of Tokyo, the first night I had sex with this cute Japanese guy. he stayed and cuddled after and then went home. The next few days we texted a bit here and there.

There was a few times that were super crazy. Like one time we were at these ponds and I open grindr and this guy is 20 feet away. I look around and see a guy that kinda looks like him. I wave, he waves back. I go over to him and it’s fucking him! We end up spending about 30 minutes together. He was super super cute but very shy. He lives in Malaysia. Another time, we’re at dinner and I open grindr real quick, this guy is like 50 feet away. I say “hi, where are you? we’re at the BBQ place” A few minutes later, he walks over and says hi. I ended up fucking him that night. Super hot.

Anyway, we get back to Tokyo and the guy from the first night meets us. We end up spending the next three days together. Walking around, holding hands, cuddling, fucking. He’s super duper sweet, I really enjoyed our time together. Why can’t I find someone like that in America. I found a nice guy in Canada, Vietnam and now fucking Japan. Where’s the guys in USA that want me like they do. I just don’t get it… Ugh

Here I am leaving another country with a guy on my heart, headed back to a country where there’s a guy I want who doesn’t want me.

Friend zone

I’m so sick of being in the Friend Zone.

Worked out with USPS last night and left right after. I got home and we started texting and basically shit went down hill. He confirmed he wants to be friends only and now I’m crushed again.

I do the same thing over and over again. I get caught up on a guy, I get crushed. I’m so sick of this.

I’m fucking successful, cute, smart. Why the fuck can I not find someone.

USPS

So, it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been sort of busy but not really.

Let’s start off where we were last time. So Kevin and I are officially done. He went off to Iceland, I knew he was going, but he didn’t text me ONCE all fucking weekend he was there. I talked to him about it after he got back and he said he “forgot” to text people. WTF. He said he would “work on it”. Well he went off to London a week later and did exactly the same thing. That was that for me. I can’t deal with that.

We bought flights to Montana at the end of November. I dunno what’s gonna happen there. I assume it’s just lost money at this point. We have barely spoken since. He posted pictures in HK with some random guy.

The bald guy I mentioned in my last post, we will call him USPS, his name is Ed. We hung out twice more after that first date, dinner one day and then like just movie or whatever the next time. He texted me after that saying he wants to be “just friends”. I was a little sad because he’s a nice guy. But ever since then we have been getting closer and closer. I am getting tooo close I think. We work out every night together, then we go back to his place and I cook dinner and we eat together. We lay on the couch and cuddle and hold hands… This weekend I went to his place Saturday night and I just left this morning. I’ll go back tonight to work out but I have to go home after.

So speaking of this weekend. I go over there Saturday night and we go to the gym work out, go out to dinner then come back to his place and cuddle on the couch. He has a BAD habit of sleeping on the couch, but I convince him to go to the bedroom so we can be more comfortable. So we lay in bed and then eventually he gets up to go “pee” but never comes back. That hurt me a lot…. I laid there in bed for hours just thinking about it. But eventually convinces myself he just went to lay on the couch in his safe space.

Got up the next morning and went and we cuddled on the couch for a bit, then went to get Doughnuts and walk along the water front, back to his place where I worked for a few hours and he napped then we did gym, arcade and back to his place where he cooked dinner and then watched some TV. Cuddles again on the couch. At bed time, he got up and moved to the other couch and slept there. I didn’t even both going to the bed this time. Again, I was hurt. I love to sleep with someone. I am just getting too close to him. We need to have a serious discussion about if we’re still “just friends” or if we are more than that… I also saw his dick and OH MY GOD. Is it amazing looking. I wanted to suck it so badly.

This morning he woke up early and cooked me breakfast, eggs and fresh grated hashbrowns. Yum! I left work and he is watching Astra for his day off.

He’s such a nice guy. We have similar aspirations, we laugh and have fun with each other. I just honestly think his biggest hangup with me is HIV. Again. 🙁

I just don’t know what’s happening in my life. I want a husband so badly. Why can’t I get what I want.