My Life

I just see my dreams fading away

I dunno maybe it’s been the heat, maybe COVID is REALLy starting to get to me but I just see my dreams fading away. This whole SIP thing is BS at this point. One of my big goals for this year was to learn how to sail. EVERY sailing school in the bay area is closed. But yet I see friends in Portland going out and learning how to sail. I search other areas of the country and they are open for sailing lessons. WTF why can’t we do sailing lessons in the bay? It’s not like WE have COVID under control here either so at this point, who fucking cares.

Every day I see people getting into relationships, going on trips, going out wine tasting and yet here I sit in my home alone with just my dog. I just don’t understand at all.

And then to top it all of, I found out that the company I am working for is going to be sold and I’ll (most likely) be laid off yet again sometime in the future. They are apparently still searching for a buyer at this point.

I’m just so frustrated and over this whole situation. I work so hard to get ahead in life to try and do a good job and yet I can’t seem to make it anywhere.

I just want a BF, I want a husband, I want a cute life. I want us to go places together.

My Life

How do we get ahead?

Man COVID is really starting to take a toll on me, TBH. I am so lonely and bored at home all the time. I just want to go back to the gym, I want to go on dates, I want to eat out like normal. I’m pretty OK with working from home but it too is starting to wear on me. More because I want to be able to GO somewhere else and WFH rather than be stuck in Vallejo all the time.

Derik came from TX this past week and we hung out. He stayed at my house and then we went camping in Mt Shasta. It was super amazing camping trip and I loved the place we were at. It was an old Firelook out with views of Shasta. We had a super fun time but I’m so confused about wtf he wants out of stuff. Like we cuddle and act like he’s into me but we don’t have sex or anything sexual at all. It’s just so weird. He left last night to go back to Austin and I’m kinda sad.

Derik kept pushing me to ask Calvin to just get back together. Even my grandma brought it up when I talked to her for her birthday. She said: “I think you and Calvin are meant to be together”. Yeah. I agree, but I dunno how to bring it back up to him. I just don’t want to say something to him and then have him reject me.

I thought about selling my house in LA. I contacted my tax accountant, I would have to pay $277,000 in TAXES alone on the sale of the fucking house. HOW ON EARTH do we as middle class people get ahead?? Like fuck the government. They just waste our fucking money on BS shit. Lining their own pockets or their buddies pockets with our money. We can never get ahead any more. Every market is dominated by these mega corporations who don’t give a shit about customer service. All our congress people are owned by major corporations, they are ruining our country.

My Life

Covid, Camping, Life

Spent a lot of time the last month camping. Been out somewhere nearly every weekend and it’s been great to get out and about after months of being stuck up at home. I know we should still be staying at home but I feel that camping with a small group of people is perfectly safe. Compared to other gays who are out drinking wine and going on vacations (FLYING EVEN) already.

After the Mt Shasta camping trip with Gym Husband I did a backpacking trip with Darin and Hut. Daring came over Thursday evening and spent the night then we drove to Bishop Friday morning. Before we even got 10 minutes from my house we got in huge fight and that ruined the whole weekend between him and I. The weekend itself was amazing but things between us are over. Ever since he moved to Sf he’s become such a snow flake leftist liberal. EVERYTHING is racist to him, everything triggers him. First off, whenever I go spend the night at his house he INSISTS that I shower before I get into his bed. No problem, I appreciate it when people shower before getting into my bed too. Well he arrived here Thursday stinking like he hadn’t showered in DAYS. We hang out and get ready for bed. I say to him: “Do you want to shower before bed?” and he says “No, i’m going to shower in the morning”. I say something along the lines of, are you sure, etc blah blah blah. And he just gets in bed STINKING. He gets up and goes to the bathroom a couple times while we’re just laying there chatting and EVERY TIME he left the light on. Finally he gets up and goes to brush teeth and while he’s doing that I am watching some show. He comes out of the bathroom (light on again) and complains “This show is too white, I can’t watch this”. WTF does that even mean. I get it that you want inclusion and diversity but you _ARE_ living in a majority white country, if would be like me going to fucking Asia and complaining that the shows there are too asian. Anyway… We get to Bishop, we’re eating BBQ at this place and the guy behind us is wearing a trump T-Shirt. And of course Darin goes on and on about how it “triggers” him and he can’t deal with it and it gives him anxiety. For someone who’s a fucking THERAPIST you’d think he would have better copping methods for handling people with opposing views as his. It’s insanely frustrating.

The weekend itself though was GREAT. Did a nice one day backpack with Hut and Dan. I’m pretty sure Dan hates me, long story there. We hiked about 4 miles in, camped at 10,500 feet. Darin and Dan were tired so they napped while Hut and I continued on another 3 miles (off trail) up to 11,300 feet. We were at these amazing lakes called “Wonder Lakes”. That night got SUPER cold and we were all in our tents by 7pm! Woke up in the morning to 20F temps and freezing. Hiked out that morning and headed back to SF.

The next weekend after that I headed down to LA and spent the weekend with Jim and Deb. Did some random stuff around the area but since everything was closed not much going on there. It was nice to see them though.

The weekend after that I went back to Bishop, this time with Jason in Tow. It was the first time in 2 years I’ve seen him and it went surprisingly well. Although I totally remember why we are not close friends any more. We met up with Hut, Dan, Art and Alan. Ate at the same BBQ place but this time no trump supporters! After that we headed up to the mountain and setup camp and just hung out. We did some nice hikes that weekend up to lakes again around the 11,000ft area. Astra did pretty good on the first day but by the time we got back she was EXHAUSTED had to carry her the last mile! That night we hung out at camp and then Sunday we did another nice hike. Something happened with Dan though and he got pissed off and just packed up and left. Again I’m pretty sure it has to do with me and he hates me! That evening we all went to the hot springs which was super nice although astra hates water and refused to get in! Alans dog was sitting in them enjoying them so much! LOL

This past weekend I had to run up to Kennewick. Probably the last time in my life I will ever be there. It was a super weird feeling on one hand I really enjoyed living there, the quiet life, the cheap housing, the low crime, etc. On the other hand I hated it there. I posted my bronco on Craigslist for sale and put it a high enough price I thought it would never sell like the Torino. I got three offers within 1hr. Clearly it wasn’t high enough! I drove up there and met this guy and collected the cash and headed back home. Super sad to see it go but I think it’s for the best. The truck was getting to the point where in another couple years it would need some major renovations and money dumped into it. I just don’t want to be spending money on anything like that any more. I just really wish someone would buy the damn Torino now.

So that’s pretty much everything. I’ve been chatting with these two guys and I’m interested in going on a date with them but we are all still dong the whole social distancing thing so I guess we are just texting for now and getting to know each other.

My Life

Camping with Gym Husband

So a lot to write about but we’ll see how much I get out here.

First, this past weekend was memorial day and I went camping with GYM HUSBAND. Can you believe it? You might not remember him but when I first moved to Vallejo there was this super cute guy I would ALWAYS see at the gym. I left a note on his car, he texted me and then moved to Hawaii. When i was in Hawaii with Army the three of us had dinner. Gym husband recently moved back to Vallejo. We were texting late last week and I randomly asked him to go camping with me and he said yes.. .Which was super crazy.

I picked him up early Sat morning and he was his typical LOUD AF self on the drive up there, he’s very talkative and we chatted the whole way there. Got there, found an amazing camp site and then went for a hike. Google maps routes us through some really CRAZy off roading but thankfully my truck handled it NO PROBLEM. We got to the hike and he was kind of embarrassing. He kept WHOOPING and HOLLARING randomly. We did the hike and then headed back to camp. I cooked us dinner and he did dishes, So cute. 😉

After that we just hung around the camp fire chatting and then when it got cold we went to bed. We were laying in bed and he kept complaining that his dick was so cold that it was hard (no sense there) so I reached over and touched it, of course. After that I gave him a “massage” as he calls it. All the while he just laid there and didn’t do anything. No recip, no noises, no actions. Just laid there like a dead fish. Eventually he came and we went to bed.

Sun morning we got up and he cooked breakfast (again super cute). We went and did two nice hikes and then went to the lake and hung up hammocks and just relaxed. From there back to camp, made dinner and then hung out again. The whole day he kept referring back to the “massage” and hinting he wanted more. But honestly it’s pretty clear he has some very repressed sexual issues. Like he just wants someone to WORSHIP his cock which is not what I am going to do… Sure, I’m a little bit sub but I’m def not a cock worship kind of person. I wouldn’t mind doing more with him sexually he’s a very cute guy and has a NICE ass and legs… But that’s just not what I want out of something/someone. He wouldn’t even cuddle me for like 5 minutes.

Monday we got up, made breakfast and headed home. On the way home we were doing carpool karoke and doing duets, it was so adorable. I would totally date him if he could get through these sexual issues.

Other then that I’ve been chatting with a few other guys. Theres this one guy on instagram we’ve been chatting for weeks. Yesterday we were non-stop chatting and finally in the evening I gave him my phone number and told him to just text me. He gave some lame excuse of “space on phone” and being able to send pics on instagram. WTF lame. Just another guy who’s not willing to actually move forward with anything.

I also started chatting with this guy on okcupid yesterday as well. We were talking non-stop and he gave me HIS number, so I texted him and and as soon as we switched over he went to one-word sentences and then nothing else. WTF is up with these guys.

I’m also getting REALLY frustrated with these people that just assume because I post a pic with a guy that we are “dating”. Like I can have friends, I can go out with multiple people. Until we have the “TALK” we are not dating, we are not boy friends. Going out on one date or just texting for a while online is not BOYFRIENDS, it’s getting to know each other.

In other news, I had a dream about Calvin the other day again. Super weird. I woke up crying from it.

Work is work and I’m kind of over the whole fucking WFH thing. I enjoy it but I also just want to GO OUT and do shit. Also the last few days have been so hot that it’s miserable to be at home.

My Life

COVID Update

Well, we’re still locked down in COVID and it’s starting to really get to me. At first I actually enjoyed it, I had tons of time to do projects around the house, I didn’t have pressure to meet people. I could work when I wanted to work and get stuff done as I felt. But now it’s just getting annoying. I want to go out and not feel “bad” about it. Also the roommate is REALLY driving me insane. He just doesn’t get it at all. The whole time he’s been going to work, going out to eat, etc etc etc. This weekend I ran up to OR to trade trailers with someone, so apparently he felt that was business as usual and he had people over to the house and then yesterday him and his sister were off doing god knows what.

On top of that he’s becoming a real pig. I came home and there were stains from the pizza box all over the counter, food crumbs everywhere. I’m really really close to just kicking him out.

In other news, not a lot going on at work I am doing some slow progress on my project but I’m not hopeful much will come from it. I’ve been chatting a lot with Chris from Gourmet and I miss that place but I also remember how annoying some of the shit there is. He is basically acting as a plant manager instead of IT manager this year.

I had a dream about Calvin last night that we were living together. :'( We’ve been chatting a lot more lately during this Covid crap. Mostly just how stupid America/Trump are and how we’re all going to die. He also told me to start playing FF XIV which I’ve been doing and is fun but I also have no idea what’s going on in the game. Like I have TONs of “items” but no idea what to do with them all.

My 10 year plan is coming along but I’ve also been sort of freaking out that maybe I am not doing enough. I have this friend in SF that is constantly buying houses and more houses and looking at houses and I feel that I don’t have enough income to be able to manage that. I found one place that I really want to buy but I just don’t have enough cash. This friend tells me he wnats to go 50/50 on a couple places but I don’t know if I know him WELL enough to trust doing that yet. So I’ve been a bit freaked out about that.

My trailer business is gonna suck this year.

Meh, not much else to talk about. I’m feeling a bit down/depressed but nothing too bad yet. I just really need to get out and about. I want to travel somewhere and go do stuff.