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My Life

A month in Iowa.

Been feeling very melancholy lately. I’ve spent the last month at home with the parents and it’s been weird/sad being back here for so long. Lots of reasons really.
First, I sort of miss this lifestyle, the quiet country, being able to just walk around anywhere and not worry about drugs or dirty streets, going out to the lake and letting the dog run every night, Not having annoying neighbors to deal with. Etc etc. It’s been very boring though TBH because of COVID and what not we haven’t gone anywhere. I saw my cousin/aunt once the whole time. Grandma came up for a week and that was nice to see her. Not going to get to see my other grandma cause yesterday was icy roads.
Second, Mom has been on this clearing out/cleaning spree while I’ve been here. She has all this stuff, family things, antiques, quilts, etc etc. And it makes me sad that we have no one to pass it down too. My brother and I have no kids, so who’s going to take all this stuff. I am taking some stuff back with me now but then like when I die, who’s going to take this! It will just be garbage to them, which is so sad. Also we took down the Christmas tree yesterday and we all agreed that it’s too big and we just wanted to get rid of it. But at the same time, we’ve had that tree almost my entire life! It’s a staple in our house and it’s sad that we won’t ever have it again. I also went through my room and tossed a bunch of pictures of old BF’s, my daily planners from High school, college paperwork, etc. Which oddly makes me sad too. Like the HS planners, why am I even keeping those!? I won’t ever look at them again.
Third, mom and Grandma are both not doing well physically. Grandma has lots of eye problems and now mom is getting hip replacement surgery. On Christmas day she was feeling bad and went to the ER room. Like WTF am I going to do when I get to that age?! Who’s going to help take care of me. Dad has been driving back and forth to get grandma for her DR appts.
And then of course the last and biggest thing, my family fucking loves Calvin and even after all these years they keep saying things like “Oh, i really hope you two get back together”; and then when I say: “well, it’s been 4 years and we haven’t seen each other once, so I highly doubt that will ever happen”; They say things like: “well, once COVID is over you two should just meet up”. Yeah, I’d love that but who knows if HE wants that. Like nearly everyone in my family keeps pushing that and as much as I’d love to meet up and see what happens, I don’t know that will ever happen. Maybe it would be good to have that meeting and see, but how do I mention it to him. Derik and I are going on that gay cruise and I told calvin: “You should book it and come” but I doubt he would/will.
In OTHER news, I am closing on my first apartment building tomorrow. Actually closing on TWO buildings at the same time. An 8-plex and a duplex! Scary/exciting at the same time. I’m sort of freaking the fuck out, TBH.
Leave here on Thursday to head back to SF. Not looking forward to the drive but honestly looking forward to being back in my own house.

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