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My Life

A haphazard post.

Not really sure what to write but I feel like I need a life update here… Things have been very up and down this whole COVID staying home is, as I’ve said, really wearing on me. Also I keep finding out more and more people are in relationships/married and it’s making me depressed. I keep thinking back to the last post and what could have been. Alan hasn’t replied since I left OR and I mean you know everything else.
Derik and I keep talking and he keeps telling me about these dates he’s going on but then he called me this past weekend that i need to be his “fake bf” so that this one guy will leave him alone. I don’t understand why we can’t be real bf’s? I mean, what’s wrong with me?
I have been going on a few dates here and there, socially distanced of course. I met this one guy Bryan who lives in Oakland, we went out on two dates and both times I was really struggling with keeping things moving forward and keeping things we can talk about. But each time he always says “I really enjoyed hanging out with you”.
The whole Jason thing is still annoying me too.
I’ve been matching like crazy with guys on Tinder lately and lots of CUTE guys too. But they always seem to be “too far” away or something and we never meet or we meet once and nothing, etc. I just want to feel that spark again though, like I felt with Calvin back in the day. I want to build that feeling back again but I am just wondering if I even have that left inside me. Can I even still love someone the same way again.
Work has been work, my project is finally kicking off AFTER NEARLY THREE YEARS of promising it to happen. But things move so slowly in this company that they are talking a JULY 1st go live. I feel like we can do it much faster than that because we are already pretty comfortable with NAV. I’m also really concerned if I will even have this job still in 2 or 3 more years.
At this point, I just want to SELL my house in LA, use the funds to buy 4 or 5 duplexes somewhere and that should really just set me up for life.
Derik and I booked a week long live aboard in Bora Bora for April. I’m super excited about that. I am also going to try and be more active in the “gay” outdoor groups in SF.
I have a date tonight with this guy, he seems nice and cute enough in his pics but we will see.
Election day is in 8 days… I CANNOT fucking wait for this election cycle to be over. I hope to god that come Wed morning we see the headlines; “McConnell OUT; Graham OUT; Ernst OUT; TRUMP OUT!”

Again, I feel like I don’t have much to say so this was very haphazard post.

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