Going back Private

It’s been a long time since I had written publicly but earlier this year I decided to go public with my blog again.

I forgot how much drama it can cause, so I have decided to go back to privately posting.

I will continue to post publicly about some big things in my life. But for the most part this will now be a private blog, again.

Thanks!

Folsom!

I went to Folsom! So crazy, right.

So Apple came up Friday evening and we hung out. We were supposed to go camping but the campground got closed due to snow. 🙁 Saturday we left home and went to the Mr. S Leather party. We met my friend Victor before hand which I thought would be good cause then that way we would have someone who’s a little more comfortable in those situations to anchor us. It didn’t really help. Apple was like super paronoid or something I dunno he was being weird. We didn’t stay long which was sad and just left and walked around the city then went home.

I’m not exactly sure what happened but things went down hill and we got into an argument and he just went him. Honestly it was a bit brash on his part to just leave but whatever.

Sunday I got up and went to meet Darin in the city. WE hung out at Dolores park for a bit. He was with one of his other friends. So it was nice to hang out with them. Got lunch then walked through the fair. SO MANY HOT GUYS.

This is where my depression and anxiety kicks in though. 🙁 I wish I was way more comfortable talking to these guys, going up to them and dancing with them, etc. Or even just being shirtless. Darin was shirtless the whole time. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I saw a bunch of people there that I had known and talked to one or two but skipped most of them because I was anxious.

We went into this one bar and it was just SUPER DUPER packed. as we were walking through I made eye with this hot asian guy. We basically had a whole gay relationship in like the 5 minutes we passed each other. I really really wish I had actually talked to him.

Nothing much else going on. The costa rica trip is coming up quick. Which I’m excited about.

Haven’t had any dates recently. Been chatting with boys but nothing happening there.

I really need to get up to WA and get my car.

Selling my trailers to try and get new ones.

Blah blah blah.

Parents Visit

So I haven’t updated in a while. My parents were here and I have just been so fucking busy with them.

It was a nice visit. I took the whole week off, we built a deck which only took two days which I was super surprised by. Did some other stuff in the yard. I’m really happy with how the outside is coming out. Just need to figure out what to do with the front yard part. I didn’t want grass but when mom and I went to go look at plants it was going to be over $3,000!!!

TOok them to this exotic car driving thing in Napa on Friday. It was fun and the guy running it had a FINE ASS! Omg.

While the parents were here my aunt fell down and broke her knee and wrist at work. Now she’s always been a bit weird. She bought a house in 1999. The first couple years we would all go over sometimes, but after a while she stopped inviting people over. Almost no one has been in her house in maybe 10-15 years. Well she was in the hospital and needed someone to go take care of her dogs. So my other aunt went over there and the house is a MAJOR HOARDER situation. Trash everywhere. The pictures my dad has sent are so disgusting. Honestly, I think it stems back to my grandpa dying. TO me that seems like about the time she stopped having people over. I think she took it the hardest TBH and has just gone downhill since then. It’s sad to see…

In other news, I haven’t seen Apple in like a month. He is coming this weekend. We were supposed to go camping but they closed the campsite due to snow! Can you believe that? A week ago it was 100F here and now this campsite is closed due to snow!! I’m a bit nervous to see him. It’s how I am with anyone really, I get super nervous meeting people cause I am always concerned it won’t go well, or I’ll be boring or whatever. I dunno. same with my Psychologist or ZenDesk.

Speaking of ZenDesk, I met him for dinner the other night. It was fun but agian, I always get nervous that I am being boring or something.

Work has been OK. Nothing super exciting going on really.

We’re going to FOlsom this weekend and I’m super nervous!!!

Just feeling down

I just feel like I’m never going to date again or be happy dating. This past week or so I’ve been super down and like nearly in tears. I just get home from work, lie on the couch, go to bed at like 8pm and sleep.

I am so unhappy with work and just angry all the time. This fucking Marketing Manager woman is always on our case about stuff and is just annoying AF. I got into a little argument with her the other day about domain names. She said “None of the domains are working”. I said, please tell me which ones because the ones I tested ALL WORKED, she send a screen shot of like 10 and said “None of these”. I tested the first 5 and they worked fine. Then she finally told me exactly which TWO. So make up your fucking mind bitch, all of them or only two of them?

I have been on a few dates and just nothing seems exciting. I just feel like I want to not do anything. One guy was a total catfish, his pics were clearly from like 10+ years ago. The next day he texted me and said. “Honestly, I can’t see us moving forward”… I replied back and said “I agree”. He replied and said “omg, awk. I meant “can””. So ever since then things have been super weird, but I’m honestly not really into him anyway.

Had another date with this guy who’s a chef at some Thai place in SF. He is cute and nice but a little too fem for me. He also does drag.

I just want to find a cute asian guy who’s into the dreams/ideas that I have, someone who can share in what I want to do in life.

There’s a laundromat for sale near me. They Net $5k/month currently all brand new machines and they want $250k for it. That seems a bit excessive.

The other day I found this old article from our HomoClimbtastic Labor day west coast trip. Really brought back fun memories and times with Davey. I texted him and we chatted a little bit but he didn’t seem that interested in chatting after all these years.

That’s something else I’ve been noticing more lately and just giving up on guys faster. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do really. For instance there’s this guy I matched with on Tinder. The past week of messages include:
HIM: How as your weekend.
Me: It was great, did some yard work, walked the dog and hung out with some friends. How about you?
HIM: Good, just relaxing. Have a good week ahead.
Me (Tuesday): I’m glad it’s a short week, do you have anything going on this week?
HIM (Friday): I’m in NYC.
Me (Sunday): How was NYC? What did you do there? When are you back?
HIM: Ate Mostly.

So clearly this guy is not interested, right? Like why waste my time trying to carry on the conversation. Why are these people even on here. If you’re not interested, just say so.

Parents arrive on Friday and we have a lot of work to do. I spent $4500 on the deck stuff. $2200 so far on the gravel for the front yard. This yard project is going to end up being like $15,000.

This guy I used to climb with got married last weekend. Makes me sad. What am I doing wrong in life. :'(

Robbery Update and other stuff.

Update on the robbery. They caught the guy, in Apple’s car, a block from my house.. Super scary that he was STILL SO CLOSE to my place. That must mean he lives near by. So maybe people are right when they say he was watching.

Apple called me around noon on a Wed and said the cops needed someone to come take possession of the car. So I drove over there and waited around. There were about 10 police there when I first showed up which was super crazy. After about an hour a detective showed up and they started searching the car. They found my gun, gun shells and some other stuff in the car. So they impounded it for the day.

Honestly, this guy deserves to be in jail for LIFE. We looked up his history and he has been in and out of prison his entire life, multiple car thefts, multiple break ins, multiple possession of stolen fire arms, etc. It’s REALLY frustrating that California/the legal system keeps letting this guy back on the streets, how many more people is he going to rob in his life? How many people are going to be hurt by him. Is it really worth letting people like this back on the streets only to pick them up again a few weeks/months later?

I’m sort of nervous to call and ask for my gun back too. I don’t know what the process is there at all. But I really want that gun back. I spent so much money on it and it’s such a nice gun. It’s been customized just how I like it.

In other news, Apple and I have been hanging out as usual. He’s started calling me “honeybun” which I don’t know how I feel about that. Part of me wants to tell him to stop and the other part enjoys it. He’s off to paris for a week. We are going to go camping in Late September in Yosemite.

I have been busy working on my yard lately and it’s been very hard work but I am loving the progress.

Not many dates recently. Was supposed to go on a date with this guy tomorrow. However yesterday during the day I was SUPER BUSY and wasn’t replying to text messages. After a few hours I came back to THREE different messages from him: 1) “?”; 2) “? ? ?”; 3) “Hello?”… Ok, seriously RED FLAG warning to me. If you are already doing stuff like that and we haven’t even MET. Jesus.

I met up with this cute filipino boy who lives in Sac yesterday for lunch. He went through the K1 (90 day fiance) visa process and is married but his marriage is shit apparently. We talked about that and what he wants to do, etc. I feel so bad for him.

Calvin messaged me again yesterday to let me know that Grandma had been hacked… Ugh I just want to keep talking to him, find out what’s going on in his life. I miss having him around so much.

On my way to Yuba city yesterday I saw a farm for sale. 590 acres. I spent the rest of the drive day dreaming about owning it, having it be asparagus, blueberries and tangellos…. I have this fantasy of being a farmer but I feel the reality would suck.

I also really want to buy a that house in the woods…

My favorite gay resort in Palm springs is being sold! And it’s no longer going to be gay or nudist! So sad. I want to go one more time before they close but I just don’t have the time!!!

Robbed!

So this past weekend I went camping… And I got robbed.

The weekend started out like shit anyway. I was stressed, Friday morning was super busy at work. I got home and was super bitchy with Apple, but thankfully he was calm about it. We left and the trip got better. Got to the camp site around 9:30 pm and went straight to bed. Sat we got up, went on a nice long hike. Ate dinner in town, went to the hot springs. As we were leaving the hot springs I noticed I had three missed calls from my security system. I check my cameras and sure enough we had been robbed.

Drove home and got here about 1:30am. They got a lot of stuff including Apples’ Car and my favorite gun. Which sucks.

We cleaned up, boarded up the window and then went to bed. Sunday Apple was super distant and has been ever since. It’s sort of frustrating. I don’t know what to do.

We have a good time for sure but we both get onto each others nerves somme times. I enjoy our time together but I just don’t know what’s going on TBH. Like we ACT like BF’s but he doesn’t want to be dating, so that just sort of adds stress to the situation.

Calvin messaged me after the break in too. Which was nice of him.