Going back Private

It’s been a long time since I had written publicly but earlier this year I decided to go public with my blog again.

I forgot how much drama it can cause, so I have decided to go back to privately posting.

I will continue to post publicly about some big things in my life. But for the most part this will now be a private blog, again.

Thanks!

Vegas and Stuff

Not a lot has really happened TBH. USPS and I haven’t spoken in a couple weeks. I decided after his “I’m dating a POZ meth head” comment that I can’t deal with him.

I went to Vegas for a week. I was really dreading being stuck there for a whole week but it ended up being fun. I went for a conference but my anxiety got the best of me. I went to see shows every night which was super fun and met a couple guys while I was there. One of them was this guy from Shanghai, we spent 3 days together. He was super adorable but we talked politics and it was so crazy how brainwashed he was. Like he told me that the chinese social point system was great, that there are no labor/re-education camps in china and that the news/google is controlled by our government.

While I was there I also met this cute filipino boy who lives in Concord. We hung out one night and had fun but after that he went a little crazy and like if I didn’t answer him RIGHT AWAY on text, he would message me on instagram AND gridnr. Super annoying

The dates I had lined up all cancelled on me. 3 one weekend and 2 the next weekend 🙁

Supposed to have a date tonight with the math teacher. Excited for that to see how we click in person.

Work kinda sucks. While I was in Vegas my sys admin just quit on me. Which is good and bad. It’s bad timing but I’m glad he quit cause I was going to fire him anyway. Also like 3rd quarter of last year I ewnt to my boss and said “I need a market adjustment raise” because I make WAY UNDER MARKET here. He said “Sure we can do that but it has to wait until January”. Ok, fine. I can wait. Well the company as a whole gets a cost of living increase in March… come to find out. I”m NOT getting a cost of living increase. Which is total BS.

Going out in SF tomorrow night with Darin and one of his friends. That will be interesting.

So, let’s start with the easy stuff….So the one date guy he and I hung out again, I spent the night at his house. We chatted after that. He wanted to hang out. Then BAM yesterday. “Sorry, but I’m just not ready to date anyone right now”. WTF.

USPS we have been chatting nearly every day. We had lunch and he really pissed me off there. Like the VERY FIRST THING he said to me was “Oh, I’ve been dating this poz guy but he dumped me because he’s a meth head.” Ok. WTF. Apparently he went to therapy which is good his first meeting was the day before he messaged me again. I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I dunno what else to say about him. Just normal chit-chat, we haven’t really hung out again.

Pasta and I have been chatting but not very much and keeping thins very light. Which I’m fine with. I’m honestly not sure where I want things to go with him.

Had a few dates over the past week. One was a therapist who said he doesn’t like to talk outside of work because work makes him talk to much. So that’s clearly a no-go. I want a partner who is willing to talk to me. Another was a guy from SAC but we didn’t really click very well, he’s nice and super into plants and stuff.

Supposed to have a date this Sunday with a 6’3″ Asian guy, he looks super cute, but we haven’t really talked much so I don’t know anything about him and then going to have another date with this younger math teacher.

I just don’t know what’s up with me or what’s wrong with me. I seem to have no problem GETTING dates, but I can’t seem to keep any of them past 1-2 dates. I’m getting really sick of this.

Today is day 10 of working straight through and someone booked a meeting for me today from 4-5pm. I leave work at 4pm. 🙁

The trailer business is also down this year. I’m super super NERVOUS right now cause I only have two reservations for all summer so far.

I need a ride

So, yesterday was my birthday. We’ll get to that in a bit.

Since last update, not much communication from Dentist. I tried to reach out to him a few times, always got short answers. I asked him directly if we were going to hang out again, He said “Yea sure”. But hasn’t followed through on that. So whatever.

Went on another date with this guy from SAC. He was nice, but not really my type. If he lived closer, I could for sure see being friends with him.

Then out of no where last Friday USPS texts me. “I need a ride”. Ride length, about 10 minutes. Of course, I’m crazy, I agree to drive him. But the whole time, my mind is racing with questions like “Why me, why not uber, why not a shuttle, why not this or that”. He just needs to get his car from the Toyota dealer. I drive and pick him up. He gets in the car, we start chatting as if nothing had happened. As if it hadn’t been MONTHs since we spoke. I dropped him off, that night he texted me: “thanks for the ride, I owe you lunch or something”. A little banter back and forth about what “or something” meant. Then a few hours pass and he texts “Goodnight Chris”. I send a bitmoji back to him.

I talk to my therapist about this, she suggests I reach out to him, agree to the lunch. Discuss things. I would really love for him to be back in my life. As friends, as more? Who knows. He has a lot to deal with on his own before we could be “more” but the thought is always there in my mind about him. I miss his strong arms and hands. We’re supposed to have lunch on Sunday.

Yesterday was my birthday. A few days before I received a card in the mail from Pasta. Another person popping up who I haven’t spoken too in months! In this case, we haven’t said a word since 7/27! I figured that would be all I hear from him. But then on my birthday he texts me. Banter back and forth, again just as if we had been talking yesterday. As if we hadn’t got in a huge argument 6 months ago!

I honestly don’t know how to respond to either of them, or how to act. Both have a lot of underlying issues that we need to openly discuss first.

AND THEN the shocker…. Yesterday I get a text from this guy I went on ONE DATE with back in November. He was nice, we had a lot of fun. But nothing ever came up after that. He texts me happy birthday. I reply thanks and start talking. He invites me to come over. I go, I spend the night… WTF. So in the past week THREE people that I had cut contact with, re-appeared in my life. WTF.

Dentist Overnight

So, I guess the Dentist is done? I dunno.

I was SUPER excited for that overnight trek. Monday I left work early, went grocery shopping, ran around packing/getting ready for it. Baked banana bread. Tuesday I left early again, rand home and packed up everything then left the house around 5pm. Took me a little over 1.5 hours to get there and as soon as I pulled in, I knew we had a problem. SIGNS EVERYWHERE saying “No Dogs”. I had specifically told him, I was bringing my dog. I asked him. Are dogs OK. He said yes.

I texted him, “We have a problem, no dogs allowed”. He said, “They don’t enforce it, no problem”. So I make 5 trips back and forth to my car to unload shit, while it’s POURING RAIN.

It was dark and raining, but the place looked SUPER SUPER cute. Rustic old cabin, etc.

I make one last trip to the car to get the dog out. There’s a guy standing next to my car, “Are you the one with the dog”. “Yes”. “We can’t have any dogs here, you need to leave”.

So, I make 5 more trips back and forth loading all the shit back into my care. Mind you, I’ve now been driving/packing/unpacking for 3 hours now. I’m hungry, I’m wet and Im’ VERY upset.

I leave to drive home, Dentist calls me and I’m driving in the mountains and I just tell him I cannot talk right now. He apologizes and refunds my money. I’m super pissed off. Not really at him but just at the situation in general. I should have fucking verified MYSELF that dogs were allowed. I was also annoyed AF because it was such a CUTE PLACE. I really wanted to stay the night.

I drive the 2 hours back home. Finally getting home at 10pm.

The Dentist and I have had a few texts since then, but nothing since yesterday. I guess he’s not interested now. I dunno.

I’m just so frustrated with dating.

USPS, Older Guys

I’m here in Yuba City this weekend working. Sort of sad about it too cause USPS and I had talked a lot about doing this project together. He was wanting to learn more about IT and this would have been a perfect task for him to learn on. Makes me think about him and miss him. I also really miss cuddling with him. He was so good.

Went on a date with a Dentist this past week. It was super fun, we talked a lot. We have a lot in common already that I can tell. He invited me to go on an overnight trip this upcoming week. So, of course since I’m CRAZY, I am going. Hope he’s not a murderer.

Also met another older guy on Tinder, he’s super nice so far as well, we have a date set for Monday.

I think I’m gonna focus on more guys my age and older…. They seem way more into moving my speed. lol