It’s been a long time since I had written publicly but earlier this year I decided to go public with my blog again.
I forgot how much drama it can cause, so I have decided to go back to privately posting.
I will continue to post publicly about some big things in my life. But for the most part this will now be a private blog, again.
I have to keep telling myself over and over. I did the right thing.
I know I spend a lot of time on this blog talking and complaining about guys who dumped me and how much it hurts. Rarely, never, do I feel this pain when I was the one doing the dumping. But yet. I have to keep telling myself. I did the right thing.
I sit here in my hotel room, crying, thinking, wishing, dreaming about what it could have been. If only he had been honest from the start. If only he had told me the truth.
Why did he lie to me and about such stupid stuff. Why say you’re 29 when you’re 26? Why say you own the house when it’s your parents. Those things don’t EVEN MATTER. I WOULD HAVE STILL LIKED YOU FOR YOU!
My mind also goes, what else was he lying about. What other things did he tell me that are fake.
I sit here and wonder, why am I still single. Why did Calvin get a BF immediately after we broke up. Constantine, same thing. I’m sure there are others. Why does Patrick, Pasta, Tim, the list goes on . They are all bf’s or husbands. I am still single. What the fuck did I do. What is wrong with ME?! What am _I_ doing wrong in this world.
Zendesk even FINALLY admitted he has a bf! WTF.
I did the right thing… I did the RIGHT thing. I could never get past the lying. _WE_ could never recover.
And yet, It hurts. I did the right thing.
Wow. I can’t believe it’s been 15 years since I left Iowa. What an amazing adventure it’s been.
So that didn’t last long. It was a super high high and now it’s over.
I had bought tickets to go see him in July 4th weekend. I was excited to see where this goes, already in my head planning and thinking a year out to see if this LDR thing would work. We would facetime and chat every day.
Then Saturday it all came crashing down. We were talking on facetime and something came up that he was lying about and that’s when ALL the lies came out. He isn’t 29, he’s actually 26. He doesn’t own his house, it’s his parents. He doesn’t own the cars he says he does. Etc etc.
Who knows what else he is lying about. Is his name even what he says it is?!
So that’s the end of it. I cannot be with someone who has lied to me since DAY ONE. I could never trust anything he says ever again.
Well I’m back from Vegas and the trip was a lot of fun. The HI guy is super nice, we got along very well, we had sex. It was fun.
But seriously. WTF, am I really going to get into another long distance situation?
So, I’m totally crazy. About one week ago I was browsing reddit and this cute asian boy posted this adorable photo of him in the bathtub. I commented something like “can I join” and he said “Sure, come on over”. We started messaging on reddit’s chat system and then he asked me for pics. I have a few posted on reddit but decided to just give him my instagram. we ended up spending the rest of the day chatting non-stop there, he lives in HAWAII.
That evening he mentioned he was going to be in Vegas for Memorial day weekend and said “You should come”. We switched to texting and texted some more. Tickets were only $200, so I bought them anyway. That evening I posted on reddit this thread: Am I Insane. Everyone said to just go.
We have been chatting NON STOP since then. Like NON STOP. So I’m gonna go to Vegas and meet him.
HIV+ Filipino boy and I are barely chatting. Dunno what’s up with him.
ZenDesk is finally back from his trip. He and I have been chatting daily still he sends me cute selfies, but he friend zoned me. I’m so confused about what’s happening there.
Wings has been posting a lot of cute selfies. Too bad he was such a crazy person.
That’s about it. I’m excited to meet Hawaii boy….